Autism meme
I like Tumblr memes, but I never get to answer them because I don't have enough followers or my followers typically don't send me asks. So here's a meme that I'm just answering for myself, for fun.
I tried answering all of these questions, but quickly ran out of spoons, so I'm only answering a few.
1. When did you discover that you are autistic?
After my first year of law school. I had been severely depressed that year for reasons that were difficult to explain; coincidentally, I stumbled across an article about how girls and women are underdiagnosed with autism/Asperger's. I was reading the article from a feminist/gender justice standpoint, only to realize "Wait a second...this sounds exactly like me..."
3. What are your favorite stims?
Listening to music on repeat, touching something soft.
5. What method(s) of communication do you prefer?
Email! Email is my favorite method of communication. Gives me enough time to think of comprehensive answers and edit my responses.
6. What are your special interest(s)?
Writing, critical analysis of fiction/media, DC superheroes.
7. What kind of sensory inputs do you find very unpleasant?
Loud noises. :( I'm also not okay with being touched unexpectedly/by people I don't know. And I really dislike the smell of metal.
12. What are some of the things that allistic people often expect you to do that make no sense to you?
15. Describe a place/room/situation that would be sensory hell to you
A loud, crowded bar. That's it. That's my sensory hell.
16. Do you have any mental illnesses/other kinds of neurodivergence? How do they interact with/affect your autism?
I have struggled on and off with depression over the past few years, and I think my autism contributes to my depression in the sense that I often feel like an alien and I'm constantly worried about not being able to find a job/support myself because of being autistic in an allistic world. I also have social anxiety that is mostly caused by, again, being autistic in an allistic world. Not knowing how to socialize with allistic people + hyperempathy = social anxiety hell.
20. What are some of the autism-related problems you often have in your everyday life?
Social anxiety (for the reasons stated above) and fear of change/new situations, which leads to a lot of anxiety.
22. What do you like about being autistic? 23. What do you dislike about being autistic?
I'm putting these two questions together because I possibly have a different attitude toward this question from other autistic people.
For me, it's hard to say whether I "like" or "dislike" being autistic. It would be the same as if someone asked me what I "liked" or "disliked" about being Chinese. I just am. Being autistic is fundamentally a part of me and my life experiences, and I can't imagine being allistic so it's difficult to compare. If I were allistic, I'd just be a completely different person.
24. If there was a cure for autism, would you want to take it?
Hell. No. My life would be easier without autism in many ways, but, as I said above, I'd also be a fundamentally different person, and I don't know who that person would be. I'm also a super stubborn person, so my view is that I refuse to change for society to accept me, haha.
27. Which ‘social rules’ do you often have trouble with?
I sometimes mix up my manners/"social scripts" if I'm tired or flustered.
28. Can you pass for neurotypical?
Yeah...but not terribly well, I think. I'm pretty sure people realize I'm "weird" and/or "different" because most people usually do distance themselves from me.
29. Have you had any previous special interests? What were they?
A lot! Off the top of my head:
I tried answering all of these questions, but quickly ran out of spoons, so I'm only answering a few.
1. When did you discover that you are autistic?
After my first year of law school. I had been severely depressed that year for reasons that were difficult to explain; coincidentally, I stumbled across an article about how girls and women are underdiagnosed with autism/Asperger's. I was reading the article from a feminist/gender justice standpoint, only to realize "Wait a second...this sounds exactly like me..."
3. What are your favorite stims?
Listening to music on repeat, touching something soft.
5. What method(s) of communication do you prefer?
Email! Email is my favorite method of communication. Gives me enough time to think of comprehensive answers and edit my responses.
6. What are your special interest(s)?
Writing, critical analysis of fiction/media, DC superheroes.
7. What kind of sensory inputs do you find very unpleasant?
Loud noises. :( I'm also not okay with being touched unexpectedly/by people I don't know. And I really dislike the smell of metal.
12. What are some of the things that allistic people often expect you to do that make no sense to you?
- Carry on a conversation when they don't ask any questions to prompt me. What am I supposed to say??
- Adjust my schedule on the fly if they suddenly change plans (i.e. we agreed to meet at a certain time and then they're two hours late, or they suddenly dump something on me that I have to do right this second). I don't know why people don't think this is rude.
15. Describe a place/room/situation that would be sensory hell to you
A loud, crowded bar. That's it. That's my sensory hell.
16. Do you have any mental illnesses/other kinds of neurodivergence? How do they interact with/affect your autism?
I have struggled on and off with depression over the past few years, and I think my autism contributes to my depression in the sense that I often feel like an alien and I'm constantly worried about not being able to find a job/support myself because of being autistic in an allistic world. I also have social anxiety that is mostly caused by, again, being autistic in an allistic world. Not knowing how to socialize with allistic people + hyperempathy = social anxiety hell.
20. What are some of the autism-related problems you often have in your everyday life?
Social anxiety (for the reasons stated above) and fear of change/new situations, which leads to a lot of anxiety.
22. What do you like about being autistic? 23. What do you dislike about being autistic?
I'm putting these two questions together because I possibly have a different attitude toward this question from other autistic people.
For me, it's hard to say whether I "like" or "dislike" being autistic. It would be the same as if someone asked me what I "liked" or "disliked" about being Chinese. I just am. Being autistic is fundamentally a part of me and my life experiences, and I can't imagine being allistic so it's difficult to compare. If I were allistic, I'd just be a completely different person.
24. If there was a cure for autism, would you want to take it?
Hell. No. My life would be easier without autism in many ways, but, as I said above, I'd also be a fundamentally different person, and I don't know who that person would be. I'm also a super stubborn person, so my view is that I refuse to change for society to accept me, haha.
27. Which ‘social rules’ do you often have trouble with?
I sometimes mix up my manners/"social scripts" if I'm tired or flustered.
28. Can you pass for neurotypical?
Yeah...but not terribly well, I think. I'm pretty sure people realize I'm "weird" and/or "different" because most people usually do distance themselves from me.
29. Have you had any previous special interests? What were they?
A lot! Off the top of my head:
- Pokémon
- Digimon
- Web coding & web design
- Digital art
- Anime (particularly Naruto, Trinity Blood)
- Christopher Nolan movies
- Assassin's Creed
- Foreign languages
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
- Captain America