rainwaterspark (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rainwaterspark) wrote2024-11-16 11:52 am
rainwaterspark) wrote2024-11-16 11:52 am
Entry tags:
Thoughts from the querying trenches, November 2024 edition
Lately, I've been seeing a lot of news in my writer circles from BIPOC authors who found rep from amazing advocates after losing their first agent, or landing book deals after long ordeals on submission, and many of them have been saying things like "dreams really do come true!"
And all I can think is...your dreams came true. But mine aren't.
There's a weird sense of shame that I feel, having been querying for 7 months without getting an offer of representation. Being rejected by the majority of agents who say they want to represent authors of color. I just feel like...why am I not enough? What is wrong with me/my books?
It would be a different story if I knew my writing wasn't skilled enough or my ideas are too niche. But they're not. Every time I pitch my books to other people (other authors and acquaintances I barely know), people always say they sound amazing. And yet I can't convince agents/editors that my stories are worth anything.
Right now, I have two agents who still have my full manuscript and seven who have my query. Aside from a few agents at those "only query one agent at a time" agencies, I've pretty much exhausted my list. I'm at this weird point at which I'm stuck in a holding pattern—I feel like there are still too many agents who have my query/manuscript for me to say I have no hope of representation, but I've also been waiting without news for months and really, really wishing I could just yeet my book at some open submission calls so I can feel like I'm *doing something*.
I'm going to try revising Novel #4 during the holidays, but I feel like I'm not even excited to query that book. Because I'll be going out to the exact same agent pool who rejected Novel #5 (which I feel like is objectively better written), so even if I get interest for Novel #4 from those people my reaction is going to be "what the hell is wrong with you??" Also, although I tend to bounce around different subgenres, my consistent "brand" so to speak is the way I approach plot, characterization, and themes, and I just feel like if you don't like how I write one novel, you will probably not like anything else I write.
And all I can think is...your dreams came true. But mine aren't.
There's a weird sense of shame that I feel, having been querying for 7 months without getting an offer of representation. Being rejected by the majority of agents who say they want to represent authors of color. I just feel like...why am I not enough? What is wrong with me/my books?
It would be a different story if I knew my writing wasn't skilled enough or my ideas are too niche. But they're not. Every time I pitch my books to other people (other authors and acquaintances I barely know), people always say they sound amazing. And yet I can't convince agents/editors that my stories are worth anything.
Right now, I have two agents who still have my full manuscript and seven who have my query. Aside from a few agents at those "only query one agent at a time" agencies, I've pretty much exhausted my list. I'm at this weird point at which I'm stuck in a holding pattern—I feel like there are still too many agents who have my query/manuscript for me to say I have no hope of representation, but I've also been waiting without news for months and really, really wishing I could just yeet my book at some open submission calls so I can feel like I'm *doing something*.
I'm going to try revising Novel #4 during the holidays, but I feel like I'm not even excited to query that book. Because I'll be going out to the exact same agent pool who rejected Novel #5 (which I feel like is objectively better written), so even if I get interest for Novel #4 from those people my reaction is going to be "what the hell is wrong with you??" Also, although I tend to bounce around different subgenres, my consistent "brand" so to speak is the way I approach plot, characterization, and themes, and I just feel like if you don't like how I write one novel, you will probably not like anything else I write.