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rainwatersparkThis time on Throne of Glass HOORAY WE'RE DONE
Chapter 51
Dorian is talking with the king. Dorian wants to know what will happen to Chaol for killing Cain.
“You’re my father,” he said carefully. “I would trust that the choice you made was correct.”
“What a cunning liar you are! Almost as good as Perrington.”
First: “What a cunning liar you are!”?? NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS!
Second: What the hell? If the king can tell Dorian’s lying, HE’S NOT A GOOD LIAR.
WTF.
The king does the rational thing and says that Chaol won’t be punished, because he’s a competent Captain of the Guard and it’d be pointless to fire him.
Remind me, why is the king supposed to be PURE EVIL again?
Dorian sighed. “Thank you, Father.” The gratitude in his eyes was genuine.
FFS, BOOK
I DON’T CARE HOW MANY TIMES YOU’VE ALREADY MESSED UP POV, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET A FREE PASS FOR CONTINUING TO HAVE POV PROBLEMS
This is Dorian’s POV. We should not be hearing about what emotion is in his eyes, because HE CAN’T FREAKING SEE WHAT HIS OWN EYES ARE EXPRESSING
WHAT THE HELL, BOOK
Dorian wants to know what’ll happen to Celaena.
I don’t know if I can have a blubbering woman as my Champion
FOR. FFFF’S. SAKE.
I DO NOT NEED TO READ STILL MORE MISOGYNISTIC B.S. IN THIS BOOK
JESUS EFFING CHRIST
“Why should I see an assassin as anything but a monster?
Uh, the king makes a lot of sense here?
One of the (many) baffling things about this book is how almost every main character has zero problem with the fact that Celaena’s an assassin. ZERO. Dorian even JUSTIFIED it in a previous chapter.
I can’t believe I have to spell this out, but in general, people are NOT going to feel comfortable around a murderer, and that’s putting it really, really mildly.
“She’s not a monster,” Dorian said. “Everything she’s done, she did to survive.”
“Survive? Is that the lie she told you? She could have done anything to survive, but she chose killing. She enjoyed killing.
The king still makes a lot of sense.
The narrative is really vague as to whether she enjoys killing, because she doesn’t assassinate a single person during this entire freaking book. But being a professional murder is so, so far from “I’m only doing this to survive.”
Oh, how clever she is! What a politician she’d have made if she had been born a man!”
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW ONLY MEN HAVE THE BRAINS FOR POLITICS, AMIRITE??!?!
I HATE YOU SO, SO MUCH, BOOK.
AND JESUS EFFING CHRIST, NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS!
I have zero tolerance for bad dialogue. It’s the fastest way to break immersion, and a writer never wants the reader to read a line of dialogue and go “Huh?”
Dorian manages to convince the king not to let Perrington use Nehemia as a hostage, and gasp, the king actually listens to him.
No really, why the hell is the king supposed to be evil? He’s a competent ruler. He makes a lot of sense.
Sigh.
Switch to Celaena’s POV. She’s recovering from the beating Cain gave her.
Undoubtedly, she looked hideous.
“Well, you know, I was brutally beaten and I’m still in a lot of pain and I’d be lucky to recover with no permanent damage, but I LOOK UGLY RIGHT NOW WITH ALL THESE ICKY INJURIES WAAAAHHH”
Okay, to be fair, there’s nothing wrong with this sentence in a vacuum. Characters who are horribly bruised/beat up usually make self-deprecating comments about how beat-up they look. But this book has focused so intensely on Celaena’s beauty the entire time that this just comes off as more gratuitous whining.
Nehemia appears and she and Celaena talk about why Nehemia initially pretended not to know Adarlanese. Apparently the entire Eyllwe royal family knows how to use Wyrdmarks, but they keep it a secret, for obvious reasons. Also, the chalk Wyrdmarks Celaena kept washing away were actually drawn by Nehemia to protect Celaena, whoops. Also also, Nehemia was responsible for summoning Ghost Elena during the fight with Cain.
There’s a lot of blabbering about portals and “the veil between worlds” and the “In-Between.” The worldbuilding in this book completely sucks and this really sounds like it’s coming from nowhere.
Oh, and apparently Nehemia came here to spy on the king of Adarlan.
You know, now I’m sad. Nehemia should have been the protagonist of this book. She is far, far more interesting than Celaena.
Chapter 52
This time, Dorian comes to visit Celaena because Romance Plot.
SIGH.
Celaena moved her head from the pillow to rest in the soft space between his shoulder and chest.
???????????????
What the hell is “the soft space between his shoulder and chest”? Beneath the shoulder is the collarbone, which is obviously neither “soft” nor comfortable to rest on, and below that is basically the chest??
??? Anatomy??? ????????????????????
More romance fluff that I’m not going to bother with, then—the king’s POV.
Because we didn’t have enough POVs already, clearly.
Though the assassin was his Champion, he had yet to send her contract. She was close with both his son and Princess Nehemia; would appointing her somehow be a risk?
The king has been logical and competent so far, but apparently now his brain cells have suddenly imploded.
Jesus Christ, he thinks nothing bad could come from hiring Celaena, the (supposedly) most lethal assassin on the continent who also hates his guts??
Yeah, there is clearly NOTHING that could go wrong here.
If only Dorian had been born a soldier, not a reader.
Yeah, clearly stuff like this is all genetic. And if the king was really concerned about this, why didn’t he start training Dorian in fighting and warfare since he was a toddler?? What the hell?? Did he just assume Dorian would pick up a sword on his own and learn to swing it around???
But there was a man somewhere in Dorian—a man who could be honed into a warrior.
PFFFFT.
HEY GUYS, did you hear that? Screw everything else, you’re only a REAL MAN if you stop reading books and sign up for the army!!
Man, the sexism in this book.
Also, I have no idea why Dorian’s sudden show of defiance earlier led the king to conclude “maybe I can make a general out of this guy.” Uh…all signs point to no. Throughout the entire book, all Dorian’s done is flirt with women and gush over his freaking dogs.
The king decides he really wants to find out about the blue mark on Celaena’s forehead. Meh.
Apparently Perrington has been…somehow “manipulating” Kaltain this entire time? Which was the source of her headaches? But at the same time it’s not “really” mind-control, they were just “bringing out her true nature”????
WTF, BOOK.
YOU’RE GOING TO VICTIMIZE HER BY TAKING AWAY HER FREE WILL AND BLAME HER FOR THAT AT THE SAME TIME???
WTF.
Kaltain’s treatment throughout this entire book has been nothing short of appalling, and the book continues to impress (in the worst possible way) until the end.
Chapter 53
All the clothing Celaena planned to buy when she was free to venture into Rifthold and do some shopping for herself, once she had her outrageous salary as King’s Champion.
Wait. Why would she have an “outrageous” salary as the King’s Champion?
Just…why????
Chaol comes to visit, says he’s having a hard time dealing with killing Cain, Celaena feels for him, yadda yadda. Then Dorian comes in and wants to continue their relationship but Celaena’s like “this probably won’t end well.”
“I’m saying that in four years, I’m going to be free, and I’ve never been free in my entire life.”
W. T. F.
Did I miss an important memo about Celaena’s pre-Endovier life? Did she only repay her debt to Arobynn right before she was sent to Endovier?
Why the hell else is she acting like she’s never been free to make her own choices before???
I give up.
The only good thing from this chapter is that Celaena’s exercising agency in terms of her romantic life, and Dorian actually respects that.
Which…is genuinely a good thing, I’ll grant the book that.
Chapter 54
More romantic stuff with Chaol and Celaena.
Celaena has a dream in which she meets Ghost Elena again. So Elena used to be a warrior, but that’s been lost to history.
Well, I do like the fact that Elena was a warrior.
Elena babbles about Celaena having an epic destiny or whatever, and then implies that Celaena is of royal blood.
Meh.
Chapter 55
Also known as THE FINAL CHAPTER HELL YES.
So Celaena goes to sign her contract with the king. I’m actually wondering about this contract thing (because I’m currently a law student taking a class on contracts). Contracts exist because people want an agreement that’s legally enforceable, but assassins operate outside the law by definition, so…you’re not going to get a court that will enforce a contract with an assassin. Also, this is the king we’re talking about here, he’s basically the law personified, I’m sure he doesn’t need a written document in order to prosecute someone. The whole thing could just be a formality, I’m not sure.
She thinks about how after her four years are up, she can do whatever she wants.
She could live off of her fortune until old age.
???
What fortune?????
She wouldn’t have to kill.
OH FOR FFFF’S SAKE
I AM SO, SO DONE WITH THIS
This is literally the first indication we’ve had that Celaena doesn’t actually like being an assassin or killing people.
Here’s the problem: THERE IS NO WAY SHE COULD’VE BECOME THE MOST LETHAL ASSASSIN ON THE CONTINENT IF SHE HAD A MORAL PROBLEM WITH HER JOB
Okay, I generally don’t have a problem with stories about assassins who have some sort of cognitive dissonance over the fact that they kill people for a living. There are plausible reasons as for why an assassin may kill people on a regular basis but would prefer to do something else. But the author has to at least attempt to confront that moral ambiguity.
Don’t handwave it.
Don’t sweep it under a rug.
And unless you’ve got a really good reason, don’t portray your assassin as a victim with no agency.
Seriously, the implication in these last few chapters is that Celaena had NO agency or choice over becoming an assassin, and also doesn’t WANT to be an assassin, but somehow still became the best assassin on the continent.
Basically, she gets all the advantages of being a prodigious “badass” and none of the moral conflict/stigma.
WTF, Book. WTF.
But…yeah, no. If the author meant Celaena wouldn’t have to kill for a living, she should’ve written that. There’s a very different emphasis when you write “She wouldn’t have to kill” vs. “She wouldn’t have to kill for a living.” The first implies that your protagonist doesn’t like to kill people and is just being forced to do so, while the second implies that your protagonist just wants an easier job but doesn’t really pass any moral judgments.
And I am so, so sick of the morality of Celaena's career as a professional murderer being completely and utterly handwaved any time it is even remotely mentioned.
The king tells Celaena outright that if she fails to complete a mission, he’ll kill Chaol. And then Nehemia and her siblings.
Jesus. Effing. Christ.
The same rational king who decided not to punish Chaol for murdering Cain and to stop Perrington from using Nehemia as a hostage is now just saying “FFFF IT, I’LL KILL ‘EM ALL FOR THE EVULULZ IF YOU DISOBEY OR FAIL ME”??!!!????!?!
WHAT THE HELL, BOOK??
DID YOU DECIDE HE WAS MAKING TOO MUCH SENSE EARLIER SO YOU DECIDED TO KILL OFF ALL OF HIS BRAIN CELLS AT ONCE?!?!
Luckily I won’t have to think too hard about this because THIS BOOK IS OVER, HALLELUJAH
.
I'm thinking of writing one more wrap-up post to sort of summarize things, since I realize that a lot of my commentary these last couple of chapters basically devolved into RAGECAPSLOCK. Also, the more I think about the final duel, the less sense it makes to me, and that's something I'd like to talk about. There are probably only so many times I can repeat myself regarding how the competition in this book makes no sense, Celaena's being an assassin is handled horribly and makes no sense, and I'd apologize for being so repetitive but a book whose fundamental premises make zero logical sense shouldn't be excused. If this is really the standard for published YA fiction, I despair of my future career aspirations.
Chapter 51
Dorian is talking with the king. Dorian wants to know what will happen to Chaol for killing Cain.
“You’re my father,” he said carefully. “I would trust that the choice you made was correct.”
“What a cunning liar you are! Almost as good as Perrington.”
First: “What a cunning liar you are!”?? NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS!
Second: What the hell? If the king can tell Dorian’s lying, HE’S NOT A GOOD LIAR.
WTF.
The king does the rational thing and says that Chaol won’t be punished, because he’s a competent Captain of the Guard and it’d be pointless to fire him.
Remind me, why is the king supposed to be PURE EVIL again?
Dorian sighed. “Thank you, Father.” The gratitude in his eyes was genuine.
FFS, BOOK
I DON’T CARE HOW MANY TIMES YOU’VE ALREADY MESSED UP POV, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET A FREE PASS FOR CONTINUING TO HAVE POV PROBLEMS
This is Dorian’s POV. We should not be hearing about what emotion is in his eyes, because HE CAN’T FREAKING SEE WHAT HIS OWN EYES ARE EXPRESSING
WHAT THE HELL, BOOK
Dorian wants to know what’ll happen to Celaena.
I don’t know if I can have a blubbering woman as my Champion
FOR. FFFF’S. SAKE.
I DO NOT NEED TO READ STILL MORE MISOGYNISTIC B.S. IN THIS BOOK
JESUS EFFING CHRIST
“Why should I see an assassin as anything but a monster?
Uh, the king makes a lot of sense here?
One of the (many) baffling things about this book is how almost every main character has zero problem with the fact that Celaena’s an assassin. ZERO. Dorian even JUSTIFIED it in a previous chapter.
I can’t believe I have to spell this out, but in general, people are NOT going to feel comfortable around a murderer, and that’s putting it really, really mildly.
“She’s not a monster,” Dorian said. “Everything she’s done, she did to survive.”
“Survive? Is that the lie she told you? She could have done anything to survive, but she chose killing. She enjoyed killing.
The king still makes a lot of sense.
The narrative is really vague as to whether she enjoys killing, because she doesn’t assassinate a single person during this entire freaking book. But being a professional murder is so, so far from “I’m only doing this to survive.”
Oh, how clever she is! What a politician she’d have made if she had been born a man!”
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW ONLY MEN HAVE THE BRAINS FOR POLITICS, AMIRITE??!?!
I HATE YOU SO, SO MUCH, BOOK.
AND JESUS EFFING CHRIST, NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS!
I have zero tolerance for bad dialogue. It’s the fastest way to break immersion, and a writer never wants the reader to read a line of dialogue and go “Huh?”
Dorian manages to convince the king not to let Perrington use Nehemia as a hostage, and gasp, the king actually listens to him.
No really, why the hell is the king supposed to be evil? He’s a competent ruler. He makes a lot of sense.
Sigh.
Switch to Celaena’s POV. She’s recovering from the beating Cain gave her.
Undoubtedly, she looked hideous.
“Well, you know, I was brutally beaten and I’m still in a lot of pain and I’d be lucky to recover with no permanent damage, but I LOOK UGLY RIGHT NOW WITH ALL THESE ICKY INJURIES WAAAAHHH”
Okay, to be fair, there’s nothing wrong with this sentence in a vacuum. Characters who are horribly bruised/beat up usually make self-deprecating comments about how beat-up they look. But this book has focused so intensely on Celaena’s beauty the entire time that this just comes off as more gratuitous whining.
Nehemia appears and she and Celaena talk about why Nehemia initially pretended not to know Adarlanese. Apparently the entire Eyllwe royal family knows how to use Wyrdmarks, but they keep it a secret, for obvious reasons. Also, the chalk Wyrdmarks Celaena kept washing away were actually drawn by Nehemia to protect Celaena, whoops. Also also, Nehemia was responsible for summoning Ghost Elena during the fight with Cain.
There’s a lot of blabbering about portals and “the veil between worlds” and the “In-Between.” The worldbuilding in this book completely sucks and this really sounds like it’s coming from nowhere.
Oh, and apparently Nehemia came here to spy on the king of Adarlan.
You know, now I’m sad. Nehemia should have been the protagonist of this book. She is far, far more interesting than Celaena.
Chapter 52
This time, Dorian comes to visit Celaena because Romance Plot.
SIGH.
Celaena moved her head from the pillow to rest in the soft space between his shoulder and chest.
???????????????
What the hell is “the soft space between his shoulder and chest”? Beneath the shoulder is the collarbone, which is obviously neither “soft” nor comfortable to rest on, and below that is basically the chest??
??? Anatomy??? ????????????????????
More romance fluff that I’m not going to bother with, then—the king’s POV.
Because we didn’t have enough POVs already, clearly.
Though the assassin was his Champion, he had yet to send her contract. She was close with both his son and Princess Nehemia; would appointing her somehow be a risk?
The king has been logical and competent so far, but apparently now his brain cells have suddenly imploded.
Jesus Christ, he thinks nothing bad could come from hiring Celaena, the (supposedly) most lethal assassin on the continent who also hates his guts??
Yeah, there is clearly NOTHING that could go wrong here.
If only Dorian had been born a soldier, not a reader.
Yeah, clearly stuff like this is all genetic. And if the king was really concerned about this, why didn’t he start training Dorian in fighting and warfare since he was a toddler?? What the hell?? Did he just assume Dorian would pick up a sword on his own and learn to swing it around???
But there was a man somewhere in Dorian—a man who could be honed into a warrior.
PFFFFT.
HEY GUYS, did you hear that? Screw everything else, you’re only a REAL MAN if you stop reading books and sign up for the army!!
Man, the sexism in this book.
Also, I have no idea why Dorian’s sudden show of defiance earlier led the king to conclude “maybe I can make a general out of this guy.” Uh…all signs point to no. Throughout the entire book, all Dorian’s done is flirt with women and gush over his freaking dogs.
The king decides he really wants to find out about the blue mark on Celaena’s forehead. Meh.
Apparently Perrington has been…somehow “manipulating” Kaltain this entire time? Which was the source of her headaches? But at the same time it’s not “really” mind-control, they were just “bringing out her true nature”????
WTF, BOOK.
YOU’RE GOING TO VICTIMIZE HER BY TAKING AWAY HER FREE WILL AND BLAME HER FOR THAT AT THE SAME TIME???
WTF.
Kaltain’s treatment throughout this entire book has been nothing short of appalling, and the book continues to impress (in the worst possible way) until the end.
Chapter 53
All the clothing Celaena planned to buy when she was free to venture into Rifthold and do some shopping for herself, once she had her outrageous salary as King’s Champion.
Wait. Why would she have an “outrageous” salary as the King’s Champion?
Just…why????
Chaol comes to visit, says he’s having a hard time dealing with killing Cain, Celaena feels for him, yadda yadda. Then Dorian comes in and wants to continue their relationship but Celaena’s like “this probably won’t end well.”
“I’m saying that in four years, I’m going to be free, and I’ve never been free in my entire life.”
W. T. F.
Did I miss an important memo about Celaena’s pre-Endovier life? Did she only repay her debt to Arobynn right before she was sent to Endovier?
Why the hell else is she acting like she’s never been free to make her own choices before???
I give up.
The only good thing from this chapter is that Celaena’s exercising agency in terms of her romantic life, and Dorian actually respects that.
Which…is genuinely a good thing, I’ll grant the book that.
Chapter 54
More romantic stuff with Chaol and Celaena.
Celaena has a dream in which she meets Ghost Elena again. So Elena used to be a warrior, but that’s been lost to history.
Well, I do like the fact that Elena was a warrior.
Elena babbles about Celaena having an epic destiny or whatever, and then implies that Celaena is of royal blood.
Meh.
Chapter 55
Also known as THE FINAL CHAPTER HELL YES.
So Celaena goes to sign her contract with the king. I’m actually wondering about this contract thing (because I’m currently a law student taking a class on contracts). Contracts exist because people want an agreement that’s legally enforceable, but assassins operate outside the law by definition, so…you’re not going to get a court that will enforce a contract with an assassin. Also, this is the king we’re talking about here, he’s basically the law personified, I’m sure he doesn’t need a written document in order to prosecute someone. The whole thing could just be a formality, I’m not sure.
She thinks about how after her four years are up, she can do whatever she wants.
She could live off of her fortune until old age.
???
What fortune?????
She wouldn’t have to kill.
OH FOR FFFF’S SAKE
I AM SO, SO DONE WITH THIS
This is literally the first indication we’ve had that Celaena doesn’t actually like being an assassin or killing people.
Here’s the problem: THERE IS NO WAY SHE COULD’VE BECOME THE MOST LETHAL ASSASSIN ON THE CONTINENT IF SHE HAD A MORAL PROBLEM WITH HER JOB
Okay, I generally don’t have a problem with stories about assassins who have some sort of cognitive dissonance over the fact that they kill people for a living. There are plausible reasons as for why an assassin may kill people on a regular basis but would prefer to do something else. But the author has to at least attempt to confront that moral ambiguity.
Don’t handwave it.
Don’t sweep it under a rug.
And unless you’ve got a really good reason, don’t portray your assassin as a victim with no agency.
Seriously, the implication in these last few chapters is that Celaena had NO agency or choice over becoming an assassin, and also doesn’t WANT to be an assassin, but somehow still became the best assassin on the continent.
Basically, she gets all the advantages of being a prodigious “badass” and none of the moral conflict/stigma.
WTF, Book. WTF.
Maybe I’m misinterpreting this. Maybe what the author meant to say is that Celaena wouldn’t have to kill for a living, which is a reasonable thought for an assassin to have. Because let’s face it, killing people for a living is risky and hard.
But…yeah, no. If the author meant Celaena wouldn’t have to kill for a living, she should’ve written that. There’s a very different emphasis when you write “She wouldn’t have to kill” vs. “She wouldn’t have to kill for a living.” The first implies that your protagonist doesn’t like to kill people and is just being forced to do so, while the second implies that your protagonist just wants an easier job but doesn’t really pass any moral judgments.
And I am so, so sick of the morality of Celaena's career as a professional murderer being completely and utterly handwaved any time it is even remotely mentioned.
The king tells Celaena outright that if she fails to complete a mission, he’ll kill Chaol. And then Nehemia and her siblings.
Jesus. Effing. Christ.
The same rational king who decided not to punish Chaol for murdering Cain and to stop Perrington from using Nehemia as a hostage is now just saying “FFFF IT, I’LL KILL ‘EM ALL FOR THE EVULULZ IF YOU DISOBEY OR FAIL ME”??!!!????!?!
WHAT THE HELL, BOOK??
DID YOU DECIDE HE WAS MAKING TOO MUCH SENSE EARLIER SO YOU DECIDED TO KILL OFF ALL OF HIS BRAIN CELLS AT ONCE?!?!
Luckily I won’t have to think too hard about this because THIS BOOK IS OVER, HALLELUJAH
.
I'm thinking of writing one more wrap-up post to sort of summarize things, since I realize that a lot of my commentary these last couple of chapters basically devolved into RAGECAPSLOCK. Also, the more I think about the final duel, the less sense it makes to me, and that's something I'd like to talk about. There are probably only so many times I can repeat myself regarding how the competition in this book makes no sense, Celaena's being an assassin is handled horribly and makes no sense, and I'd apologize for being so repetitive but a book whose fundamental premises make zero logical sense shouldn't be excused. If this is really the standard for published YA fiction, I despair of my future career aspirations.
