On my world, it means hope.

Reading fanfic of Chinese source material is always frustrating to me, because I can't tell whether fanfic authors are of Chinese descent or not and it often seems like cultural nuances are messed up.

And I want to be kind to fanfic authors, plus some part of me wonders whether these "mistakes" are possibly intentional choices to call back to the source material. But I can't tell, and if unintentional, these mistakes are as bothersome as mosquito bites.

For example, I was reading one Erha (The Husky and His White Cat Shizun) fanfic that was an Edo period Japan AU. Overall, I enjoyed it...but what bothered me was how the names were handled. See, people in Japan wouldn't pronounce Mandarin names; they would pronounce the characters according to how they're pronounced in Japanese.

So "Taxian-jun" would never be called that in Japan. It would be something like "Fusen-sama" (according to my mediocre Google-fu; an actual Japanese-speaker can feel free to correct me). Especially because the character "jun" in Chinese, a respectful honorific, is "kun" in Japanese, which is informal.

Another fanfic I was reading, this time for SVSSS (The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System), was an imperial Chinese AU in which the two versions of Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe all existed and they were all twins. Which was cute. Except...it bothered me how the younger twins would refer to their older brothers: Shen Yuan called his brother "Jiu-ge" and Luo Binghe called his brother "Bing-ge."

That's...not how you refer to your brothers in Chinese culture. Using a given name + "ge" is how you would refer to a good (older male) friend. For your actual familial brother, you would call them "Gege" or "Ge."

(deep sigh)

(New fandom, who dis? lol)

Despite my problems with the MCU Moon Knight show, I found myself reading fanfiction just because waiting for the next Moon Knight comic issue is hard, haha. (And fanfic for comics-continuity Moon Knight is mostly nonexistent.)

Obligatory self-promo for my own Moon Knight fanfics: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanspark/works?fandom_id=66924490


"Moon Knight meets the Avengers" fics

do not enter is written on the doorway (but you can stay) by Some_Dead_Guy

Moon Knight in the MCU (series) by goldenambedo

Moon Knight and Sam Wilson by god_hates_tyler

of all your sacred vows by notmadderred


Other Moon Knight fics

The Absence of Fear (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves) by Pokimoko
A Steven-centric fic about his childhood. Heartbreaking in how it shows the way Steven comprehends his situation and his relationship with his parents.

In the Absent Place (Listening To Silence On The Radio) by Pokimoko
A sequel to "The Absence of Fear (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves)" but it can also stand alone. Steven Grant thinks he lives in a haunted house and his only friend is an internet pen pal named "M." It's fairly obvious what's really going on (also, the tags more or less give it away). Cool premise.

Home Cooked Meal by haliaZ
Steven and Marc cook a meal for Jake. Sort of fluff, sort of angst.

so this could be the death of me (or maybe just a better me) by darkerintheday
One time Marc saves Steven, one time Jake saves Marc, and one time Steven saves Jake.

Rhythm, Interrupted by staranon
An introspective fic about Marc's feelings before the start of the show.

One Fish, Two Fins by TweetStweet
A fic about how Marc (and Jake!) replace Gus in episode 1. I love this headcanon!

hardwired instincts by blackleaders
A fic about autistic Steven and autistic Marc. :)

she takes what you give her (and maybe you'll find it) by acatalepsy
Set after episode 2 - Marc and Layla talk about his DID.

quarter of a million miles to the moon by priide
A Jake character study.

There Goes My Mind by CXMP_14 [crossover]
A short oneshot that's a crossover between Moon Knight and Star Wars (the new trilogy) (because...Oscar Isaac), where Marc, Steven, and Jake are Poe's alters and Poe is also the avatar of Khonshu, though he doesn't know it. This was cute (I loved the cashew/Khonshu joke).

Avatar: The Moon Knight by AuthorLoremIpsum, ButterflyBeeStevenwithaV [AU] [crossover]
A Moon Knight x Avatar: The Last Airbender crossover. The writing...could use some improvement, though at least it's not distractingly bad. But this is such a seamless crossover that I find myself enjoying it nonetheless. Plus, this may be my favorite fanfic depiction of Jake ever!


Marc and Steven (and/or sometimes Layla) meet Jake fics

So...I'm not sure I would say I love these fics, since I have a lot of thoughts about how I wish Jake was portrayed. But at the very least, these are probably the best-written fics with this trope, in my opinion.

not quite a meet-cute by notmadderred

the third passenger by Nanashi07

First Meetings by reflectiveless

It's been 2 years (!!) since I wrote "Look into my eyes and tell me if I'm real," a 20k-word-long fanfic inspired by the Captain America: The Winter Soldier comic arc (and conceptualized before the movie came out, I'll never stop saying). I have to admit that I haven't been back to reread the fic since I first posted it, because unfortunately anxiety over my writing appeal caused me to spiral into depression and I've sort of been afraid to trigger those feelings again. (I really should reread it at some point; I'm just not entirely sure when.)

But there is something I'd like to say, regarding what I would do differently if I were to rework this fic today.

When I first wrote the fic, I didn't have a good understanding of autism or neurodiversity. Looking back, though, I'd definitely love to recast the Winter Soldier in that fic as autistic. He already ticks off the boxes in terms of awkwardness in social interactions, difficulty understanding other people, alexithymia, and difficulty outwardly expressing emotion (which leads other people to assume he's emotionless or incapable of emotion). It wouldn't have been hard to add, say, sensory processing difficulties or some other autistic traits.

Anyway...that's just a thought I had. I certainly have my hands full currently with Project E, but maybe autistic Winter Soldier is an idea I'll come back to...some day.

It's been almost two months since my last LJ post, which is pretty unusual, since I'm usually pretty active on LJ, if only posting about random things.

So what happened during the last month and a half?

Well...depressed moods and continual teetering on the brink of emotional collapse. Here's a record of what happened on my Wordpress blog:

Basically, it happened because I started posting fanfiction on AO3 and didn't get that much of a response, even though I'm ridiculously proud of my work.

I started not feeling so great.

I thought these feelings would pass given enough time, but that hasn't been the case, and several stressors combined have made me feel even worse.

I've tried to reflect and be rational about what happened, but it's still an ongoing, uphill struggle.

So, in a nutshell: the last month and a half have kind of been a blur. I started slacking off severely at work—not out of laziness, but because I'm chronically exhausted and can't muster up the energy or interest anymore. I've had on and off sleep problems, and while I'm generally not a good sleeper, I definitely tend to experience insomnia when I'm extremely stressed or depressed. I have days when I stare into space and think about the things I need to do and feel a combination of zero ability to get it done and crippling anxiety at the same time. I've had a lot less interest in food and eating recently—which is kind of another thing that I associate with my experiences of depression.

I've babbled quite a bit about my recent writing of fanfiction on this LJ, though mostly in vague terms, and unlike 99% of the other projects I've talked about in the past, I actually finished everything I mentioned, so, I might as well talk about them.

The Hunger Games/Captain America fanfiction, which reached a substantial 14,000 words long, got very little attention. I've made my peace with this, because I realized I was probably too ambitious with this piece. It was a combination crossover fic/criticism of THG/social commentary, which was probably alienating to THG fans and confusing to non-THG fans. (Plus, it wasn't slash, it was actually a little anti-romance, so, you know.)

The other things I've written, though, have made me a bit more upset.

"Not a good man": A Bucky Barnes character study; this is my (somewhat annoyed) reaction to the "woobification" of Bucky that happened in the fandom post-CA:TWS and probably the best writing I've produced on a technical/descriptive/poetic level.

"Look into my eyes and tell me if I'm real": The "monstrous 20,000-word fic that consumed my life" that I've referred to several times before. Over 20,000 words (if you count all the stuff that I had to delete/rewrite) and basically a three-month all-consuming obsession has been a substantial chunk of time, effort, and emotion to invest in this fic; I can honestly write a commentary on this fic that would be as long as a goddamn thesis, explaining why I wrote everything the way I did—every scene, every sentence, every word choice, every freaking punctuation placement. I will never not be proud of this, even though I've come to accept that probably no one will care about this fanfic as much as I do.

Honestly, it hurts. As I said earlier, I thought the pain would lessen over time, but it hasn't, and I don't think I will. School is starting soon in a few weeks, so I guess at this point what would be best for my mental health would be to cut my ties with AO3 almost completely. Which, you know, is really pathetic and anti-promotion and anti-engaging-with-fandom, but I'm not sure what else I can do.

I never planned that writing fanfiction would become a longterm thing for me—partly because my lifelong focus has been original fiction, and partly because there is only so much I can do with the same set of characters before I get bored. So getting more exposure by continuing to write fanfic is kind of out of the question for me. (Not that I've already lost interest in Captain America fanfic, but after writing so much in a relatively short period of time, I've hit a dry spell, and I don't know whether I'll find inspiration again before Cap 3 comes out.) But I'm still proud of what I wrote and I wish I had proof that I'm not delusional.

This seems like kind of a random place to put this, but I didn't know where else this would go.

I've spent so much time reading fanfic in the wake of Captain America: The Winter Soldier that I actually have a whole rec list now. Not a long list, since I'm fairly picky when it comes to fanfic, but still. All are based on the movieverse unless otherwise noted (AU or comicsverse). I've put [E] next to the explicit/NSFW fanfics, just in case anyone wants to know.

Also, this is a work in progress. I'll keep adding to this when I find new fics.


- The sirens and the thunder – selkie!Bucky AU
Absolutely gorgeously written. Check out the author (legete)'s other stuff, too.

- don't trust the shining moon - nonexplicit Steve/Bucky relationship, synesthete!Bucky

- Captain Hot Perfect Teacher – no powers AU

- What we find in the telling – post-CA:TWS

- Pretending – asexual!Bucky (:D)
Content note: implied non-consensual relationships

- might have inhaled you - James Bond crossover AU

- Strictly no hugging, no kissing – Pushing Daisies crossover AU [E]
The author captures the style of Pushing Daisies really well, and this fic is very sweet.

- A catalog of non-definitive acts – post-apocalyptic AU [in progress]
Beautifully written. Just incredibly beautiful.

- Enhanced – Steve/Bucky friendship, post-CA:TWS [in progress]
Trigger warning: OCD, sensory processing disorder



I've decided to include a few more fics under the cut that aren't quite on my rec list, but still noteworthy.

( Read more... )