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online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html#articleTabs%3Darticle
I had two reactions while reading this article. On one hand, I could not help reading it out loud in a very snarky manner (and making my dad and sister laugh their heads off) because it almost felt like a satire of Asian parenting methods. On the other hand, knowing that the author actually believed every word that she wrote, I was faintly horrified by it.
There is some grain of truth in the article. The Asian insistence that you can excel in anything if you try hard enough drives academic diligence and the refusal to think that "I'm just not wired for this subject." But, it's been way overblown in the article--abuse is pretty uncommon, I think, in most Asian-American families. Also, the rhetoric is extremely strong, which is probably why a lot of people were ticked off by the article. Saying that the "Western" way of parenting is stupid is just not good politics--as well as completely incorrect, because there are plenty of American Ivy League graduates who had happy childhoods.
A few other major problems I had with the article:
1. I think it's unbelievable that Chua is a law professor at Yale and still stereotypes all Chinese parents and all "Western" parents. Stereotyping on such a scale usually reeks of ignorance.
2. Chua's definition of success is absurdly narrow. By her definition, 99% of the world's population are failures. In fact, probably people like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates are also failures, because hey, they aren't musical geniuses!
3. Parenting is not a science. To insist that your way will turn every child into a genius is totally bogus. What works for one child is no guarantee that it works for another. Honestly, I found Chua's story a little hard to believe. Her children must be emotional fortresses who forgive very, very easily. I know, both from personal experience and from talking to others, that usually children will respond in a very negative manner to outright criticism/authoritarian control, and that children often find it hard to forgive their parents for causing them suffering. Actually, I think it's extremely rare to find a child who will not chafe under that kind of parenting, and it's also rare to find a child who will forgive their parents easily for verbal abuse, even if it leads to good results.
Also, Chua's insistence that children don't know anything, therefore parents should override all their preferences, and that children will never take criticism emotionally is flat-out false. Maybe her daughters, for whatever reason, are strong enough that being called "garbage" by their mom won't affect them. Me? I think if my parents called me "garbage" I would be seriously depressed for days at the very minimum.
A bunch of the comments were written by Asians or Asian-Americans who had experienced parenting similar to the one Chua advocates and are horrified that she believes it to be the "right" way to raise children.
4. I also find it really hard to believe that Chua, who grew up in America herself, has not absorbed any Western values. In fact, she belittles the idea of individuality and doesn't even mention the importance of creativity. Some of the comments to the article claim that Chua's method works--if you want to produce robots. I can't speak for Chua's daughters, but personally I think some of the free reign my sister and I had during our childhood has led to a rich life of the mind. My parents, both born and raised in China, often praise American society for emphasizing diversity and individuality, because it allows for so much freedom and so many different ways to lead a fulfilling life. And in the end, only thinking outside of the box can lead to social progress.
I rather like this response article, written by another Asian-American:
technorati.com/women/article/amy-chuas-book-on-model-minority/
I especially agree with the last paragraph:
"And contrary to what you might think, that blindness hurts the old-school immigrant parents more than it does the adult child. You leave home, you become your own person--eventually you get a handle on childhood wounds and resentments and if you have kids yourself, you make peace with it. Unhappily, some adult Asian Pacific Americans have had to sever relationships with their aging parents due to bitter childhood power struggles. But even in the relationships that hold together, there are old-school Chinese parents today who'll NEVER understand their adult children, what their passions are, who their adult children really are at their core. And saddest of all, it's because under that authoritarian system of beliefs, your children never have anything to teach you."
I had two reactions while reading this article. On one hand, I could not help reading it out loud in a very snarky manner (and making my dad and sister laugh their heads off) because it almost felt like a satire of Asian parenting methods. On the other hand, knowing that the author actually believed every word that she wrote, I was faintly horrified by it.
There is some grain of truth in the article. The Asian insistence that you can excel in anything if you try hard enough drives academic diligence and the refusal to think that "I'm just not wired for this subject." But, it's been way overblown in the article--abuse is pretty uncommon, I think, in most Asian-American families. Also, the rhetoric is extremely strong, which is probably why a lot of people were ticked off by the article. Saying that the "Western" way of parenting is stupid is just not good politics--as well as completely incorrect, because there are plenty of American Ivy League graduates who had happy childhoods.
A few other major problems I had with the article:
1. I think it's unbelievable that Chua is a law professor at Yale and still stereotypes all Chinese parents and all "Western" parents. Stereotyping on such a scale usually reeks of ignorance.
2. Chua's definition of success is absurdly narrow. By her definition, 99% of the world's population are failures. In fact, probably people like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates are also failures, because hey, they aren't musical geniuses!
3. Parenting is not a science. To insist that your way will turn every child into a genius is totally bogus. What works for one child is no guarantee that it works for another. Honestly, I found Chua's story a little hard to believe. Her children must be emotional fortresses who forgive very, very easily. I know, both from personal experience and from talking to others, that usually children will respond in a very negative manner to outright criticism/authoritarian control, and that children often find it hard to forgive their parents for causing them suffering. Actually, I think it's extremely rare to find a child who will not chafe under that kind of parenting, and it's also rare to find a child who will forgive their parents easily for verbal abuse, even if it leads to good results.
Also, Chua's insistence that children don't know anything, therefore parents should override all their preferences, and that children will never take criticism emotionally is flat-out false. Maybe her daughters, for whatever reason, are strong enough that being called "garbage" by their mom won't affect them. Me? I think if my parents called me "garbage" I would be seriously depressed for days at the very minimum.
A bunch of the comments were written by Asians or Asian-Americans who had experienced parenting similar to the one Chua advocates and are horrified that she believes it to be the "right" way to raise children.
4. I also find it really hard to believe that Chua, who grew up in America herself, has not absorbed any Western values. In fact, she belittles the idea of individuality and doesn't even mention the importance of creativity. Some of the comments to the article claim that Chua's method works--if you want to produce robots. I can't speak for Chua's daughters, but personally I think some of the free reign my sister and I had during our childhood has led to a rich life of the mind. My parents, both born and raised in China, often praise American society for emphasizing diversity and individuality, because it allows for so much freedom and so many different ways to lead a fulfilling life. And in the end, only thinking outside of the box can lead to social progress.
I rather like this response article, written by another Asian-American:
technorati.com/women/article/amy-chuas-book-on-model-minority/
I especially agree with the last paragraph:
"And contrary to what you might think, that blindness hurts the old-school immigrant parents more than it does the adult child. You leave home, you become your own person--eventually you get a handle on childhood wounds and resentments and if you have kids yourself, you make peace with it. Unhappily, some adult Asian Pacific Americans have had to sever relationships with their aging parents due to bitter childhood power struggles. But even in the relationships that hold together, there are old-school Chinese parents today who'll NEVER understand their adult children, what their passions are, who their adult children really are at their core. And saddest of all, it's because under that authoritarian system of beliefs, your children never have anything to teach you."
