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So...I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
I'm not someone who copes well with anxiety/uncertainty. Yet, that's kind of the precipice I find myself on right now regarding my writing career. Part of me is confident that my fantasy book will sell. If so, then in 2023 my goals will be to work on the sequel and outline series ideas.
But if it doesn't sell, or if it languishes on sub for months...
I think it's time for me to take a break and find something meaningful outside of writing.
Lately, I've felt so much anxiety. That anxiety was alleviated when I was deep into playing Persona 5 Royal, but now that I'm visiting my parents without much going on, I've felt that anxiety worsen. And I'm pretty sure it's anxiety because of my book.
Specifically, because I'm starting to feel like I've spent so much time on a writing career, and I have yet to show anything for it.
For authors who are trying to "make it" in the publishing industry, the advice is always "work on the next thing." And I took that to heart with Novel #4. But by now, I'm starting to feel exhausted by the grind. It's really demoralizing to spend a year or more writing a novel, knowing there's no guarantee it'll ever get published.
In a way, I suppose Novel #4 was my "miracle book." It was the first book I wrote that successfully balanced a story I was personally passionate about with a commercial sensibility. I was able to prove to myself that I could write a commercial book. But the idea of continuing that grind—of continuing to come up with commercial, high concept hooks and writing those novels to try to get a traditional book deal—has just lost any appeal to me right now.
I hate talking about super personal things online (lol), but I suppose another major cause of my anxiety is the misogynistic idea that the older a woman/female-presenting person gets, the harder it is for them to find a partner. I feel like, if I wasn't single, I'd probably come to the conclusion that I have nothing better to do with my time other than go back to writing books anyway. But right now, the prospect of dating just feels like a huge time sink that I keep putting off with my writing career as an excuse.
So that's something I'd like to focus on for 2023, I guess: Finding a partner. Then, hopefully, I'll be less anxious that working on books feels like a waste of time if I don't get a book deal.
More immediately, I'm in the middle of Persona 5 Royal, as I mentioned, and I'm absolutely obsessed with it so far. I'm dying to get back home and continue playing, hahaha (I'm currently in the middle of the fourth Palace). And I also really want to play through the story parts with my sister, since I think she'll really love it as well.
So...yeah. I guess I'm hoping that de-prioritizing writing, spending some time with video games, and reading the new books coming out in 2023 will help rekindle my love of stories. Hell, maybe I'll even write that sequel that I never got to write for Novel #2, just for fun. But for right now, it feels right to take a break.
(Of course, all of my plans will change if I DO get a book deal for Novel #4, lol.)
I'm not someone who copes well with anxiety/uncertainty. Yet, that's kind of the precipice I find myself on right now regarding my writing career. Part of me is confident that my fantasy book will sell. If so, then in 2023 my goals will be to work on the sequel and outline series ideas.
But if it doesn't sell, or if it languishes on sub for months...
I think it's time for me to take a break and find something meaningful outside of writing.
Lately, I've felt so much anxiety. That anxiety was alleviated when I was deep into playing Persona 5 Royal, but now that I'm visiting my parents without much going on, I've felt that anxiety worsen. And I'm pretty sure it's anxiety because of my book.
Specifically, because I'm starting to feel like I've spent so much time on a writing career, and I have yet to show anything for it.
For authors who are trying to "make it" in the publishing industry, the advice is always "work on the next thing." And I took that to heart with Novel #4. But by now, I'm starting to feel exhausted by the grind. It's really demoralizing to spend a year or more writing a novel, knowing there's no guarantee it'll ever get published.
In a way, I suppose Novel #4 was my "miracle book." It was the first book I wrote that successfully balanced a story I was personally passionate about with a commercial sensibility. I was able to prove to myself that I could write a commercial book. But the idea of continuing that grind—of continuing to come up with commercial, high concept hooks and writing those novels to try to get a traditional book deal—has just lost any appeal to me right now.
I hate talking about super personal things online (lol), but I suppose another major cause of my anxiety is the misogynistic idea that the older a woman/female-presenting person gets, the harder it is for them to find a partner. I feel like, if I wasn't single, I'd probably come to the conclusion that I have nothing better to do with my time other than go back to writing books anyway. But right now, the prospect of dating just feels like a huge time sink that I keep putting off with my writing career as an excuse.
So that's something I'd like to focus on for 2023, I guess: Finding a partner. Then, hopefully, I'll be less anxious that working on books feels like a waste of time if I don't get a book deal.
More immediately, I'm in the middle of Persona 5 Royal, as I mentioned, and I'm absolutely obsessed with it so far. I'm dying to get back home and continue playing, hahaha (I'm currently in the middle of the fourth Palace). And I also really want to play through the story parts with my sister, since I think she'll really love it as well.
So...yeah. I guess I'm hoping that de-prioritizing writing, spending some time with video games, and reading the new books coming out in 2023 will help rekindle my love of stories. Hell, maybe I'll even write that sequel that I never got to write for Novel #2, just for fun. But for right now, it feels right to take a break.
(Of course, all of my plans will change if I DO get a book deal for Novel #4, lol.)
