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So I haven't posted in a while...
May. 27th, 2024 08:53 pmSo I haven't posted in a while! It's because the querying process has been stressing. me. out.
Remember how one of my goals was to try to become better at coping with publishing stress? Yeah, I've been failing at that so far. I've realized that a BIG anxiety trigger for me is expecting something to happen soon, but not knowing exactly when, and also feeling like I have no control over the result. That was exactly the reason why I coped so poorly with being on submission for Novel #4 last year, and it's why I haven't been dealing well with querying right now. :(
Querying...hasn't been going well so far. I ended up panic-withdrawing a bunch of my initial queries after a string of rejections because I was pretty sure something was wrong with my query letter. I revised the query letter, but I do feel bad, wondering if maybe the earlier agents rejected it because my query letter didn't do the story justice. It's tough, because I feel like this is a fantastic book, but no one's been interested so far.
I mean, I guess to be fair, I felt that way about Novel #4 too, and now in hindsight I can see problems with it. But that just leads me to a whole new paranoia—am I so bad at judging what's a commercial story that I can't trust my own taste? If so, that would make it seem like I should just give up on traditional publishing, because I can't even identify what a marketable story is.
It sucks too because there's nothing I can use to take my mind off querying. I'm not the kind of writer who can jump into a new project right away, given that it usually takes me about a year after finishing one book before I have enough ideas to start a new one. I haven't had any video games to play since Tears of the Kingdom. And I haven't been having a great reading year, either—many of the new book releases this year I've found to be pretty mediocre so far. (And even when I enjoy a book, I burn through it quickly and then am back to twiddling my thumbs. The downside of being a fast reader...)
This long weekend in particular has been agonizing for me, because I know an agent has my full and I'm expecting them to get back to me soon. Which suuuuuucks for my anxiety. They've sent me enthusiastic emails so far, but after the initial excitement I felt, I realized that makes me feel worse—because I'm going to feel so much worse if they reject because the rest of the manuscript didn't live up to their expectations. And it's already happened once—another agent from my first round did request the full pretty quickly, but they rejected, and their rejection said they stopped reading halfway through because the book didn't live up to their expectations.
When that first agent requested my full manuscript, I was hopeful, but I had a prickling sense of dread too—like "I'm afraid to hope for an offer of representation from the first agent who requested, because my publication journey has never been that easy." Now I'm trying to make peace with the possibility that this second agent will reject, too. In which case, I'll be back to waiting around to see if any of the other agents I queried will request the full. Sigh...
Remember how one of my goals was to try to become better at coping with publishing stress? Yeah, I've been failing at that so far. I've realized that a BIG anxiety trigger for me is expecting something to happen soon, but not knowing exactly when, and also feeling like I have no control over the result. That was exactly the reason why I coped so poorly with being on submission for Novel #4 last year, and it's why I haven't been dealing well with querying right now. :(
Querying...hasn't been going well so far. I ended up panic-withdrawing a bunch of my initial queries after a string of rejections because I was pretty sure something was wrong with my query letter. I revised the query letter, but I do feel bad, wondering if maybe the earlier agents rejected it because my query letter didn't do the story justice. It's tough, because I feel like this is a fantastic book, but no one's been interested so far.
I mean, I guess to be fair, I felt that way about Novel #4 too, and now in hindsight I can see problems with it. But that just leads me to a whole new paranoia—am I so bad at judging what's a commercial story that I can't trust my own taste? If so, that would make it seem like I should just give up on traditional publishing, because I can't even identify what a marketable story is.
It sucks too because there's nothing I can use to take my mind off querying. I'm not the kind of writer who can jump into a new project right away, given that it usually takes me about a year after finishing one book before I have enough ideas to start a new one. I haven't had any video games to play since Tears of the Kingdom. And I haven't been having a great reading year, either—many of the new book releases this year I've found to be pretty mediocre so far. (And even when I enjoy a book, I burn through it quickly and then am back to twiddling my thumbs. The downside of being a fast reader...)
This long weekend in particular has been agonizing for me, because I know an agent has my full and I'm expecting them to get back to me soon. Which suuuuuucks for my anxiety. They've sent me enthusiastic emails so far, but after the initial excitement I felt, I realized that makes me feel worse—because I'm going to feel so much worse if they reject because the rest of the manuscript didn't live up to their expectations. And it's already happened once—another agent from my first round did request the full pretty quickly, but they rejected, and their rejection said they stopped reading halfway through because the book didn't live up to their expectations.
When that first agent requested my full manuscript, I was hopeful, but I had a prickling sense of dread too—like "I'm afraid to hope for an offer of representation from the first agent who requested, because my publication journey has never been that easy." Now I'm trying to make peace with the possibility that this second agent will reject, too. In which case, I'll be back to waiting around to see if any of the other agents I queried will request the full. Sigh...
