Throne of Glass - Deconstruction - Ch11-12

[rainwaterspark]

Chapter 11

We start off with Celaena groggy and tired. At first I was wondering how much sleep this supposedly tough-as-nails assassin needs, but then we learn that she stayed up all night reading.

…Like I said, Mary Sue. Also, really idiotic to do right before a competition.

Yet again, there were no knives. She stabbed her fork into a piece of sausage.

...Does the author seriously not realize that you can kill people with forks? Pointy tines + stabbing into someone's neck = good risk of death. Nobody in this palace seriously seems to be concerned about making sure Celaena can't hurt anyone.

She eats her porridge with brown sugar, and isn’t sugar supposed to be a rare and valuable commodity? I’m still confused as to why Celaena’s being given all these luxuries, from sugar to silk dresses and (in a few paragraphs) velvet cloaks.

She’s suddenly not hungry…which is again stupid, because she’s going to a competition and may need to expend herself physically. I’m finding it really hard to believe she used to be such a master assassin. I’m also finding it hard to believe she used to be a street rat or lived without comfort of any kind, because she freely wastes/disregards food.

Celaena complains about her clothes and shut up already Celaena, you’re not going to a freaking beauty contest.

“Stop whining. No one gives a damn about your clothes.”

+1000 for Chaol! Finally, someone who is making sense in this ridiculous palace.

None bothered to look at her, save for that slightly handsome young man with the gray eyes, who gave her a half smile

Blegh.

She’s faced with a rack of weapons and thinks about how foolish it was to leave them within her reach…but she doesn’t actually make a move to kill anyone.

Swords, sword-breakers, axes, bows, pikes, hunting daggers, maces, spears, throwing knives, wooden staves… While she generally preferred the stealth of a dagger, she was familiar with every weapon here.

Uh.

Why would she be “familiar” with all of these weapons? She’s right that a dagger is probably the stealthiest weapon here, but unless an assassin goes up in hand-to-hand combat with a soldier or guard, disarms them and uses their weapon, there’s no reason to train an assassin in using a mace, pike, spear, ax, or wooden stave. They’re the least stealthy weapons and most definitely are not for assassinations. Also, maces are clubs and require a ton of strength and muscle to use—muscle that assassins probably wouldn’t have. Because, again, STEALTH. (And that's not even getting into the fact that maces were historically used against soldiers in plate armor—so, even more reason why an assassin should have no business learning how to use a mace.)

I wasn’t sure what a “sword-breaker” was at first, but Wikipedia tells me it’s another name for a parrying dagger, an offhand dagger generally used during swordfights for defensive purposes. Speaking of swords, what kinds of swords are available here? Longswords? Rapiers? Because the type of sword will dictate the dueling tactics. You do not fight the same way with a longsword as with a rapier, and you do not duel with different types of swords for that reason.

What exactly are the competitors supposed to be doing here? Showing off which weapon they’re best at using, or fighting each other? I’m inclined to believe the former, because this setup would make no sense for a duel.

Cain (ugh) enters and says, “I’d have thought you’d be running home by now,” which sends Celaena into a suppressed rage and makes her want to kill him.

Eh? I mean, yeah, it’s an insult, but it’s far from the worst kind of insult she could get. He didn’t even call her any names.

She found herself torn between the hunting daggers and a lovely rapier with an ornate bell-guard. She could cut his heart from a safe distance with that.

Hunting daggers? Let’s check Wikipedia for a moment.

“The hunting dagger (German: Hirschfänger, or deer catcher) is a 20–30-inch (510–760 mm) long double-edged German stabbing hunting knife, used to kill deer and boar. It was a weapon mainly used in the fancy hunts of the German nobility.”

So not only is this weapon not used for duels, but it’s also made for stabbing, not slashing. Also, I’m not an expert in dual-wielding weapons, but if this weapon is over a foot long, it doesn’t sound like it would be easy to wield two of them. (Not that this prevents Rule of Cool from applying, admittedly.)

Also, a rapier with an “ornate bell-guard.” Yeah, about that. Earlier I talked about how decorative weapons were mainly used for, well, decoration, because weapons get a lot of wear and tear when they’re used normally. Then again, this royal family clearly has tons of money and tons of resources to blow, so maybe they don’t care.

Generally, rapiers are held out in front of the user and meant to keep the opponent at a distance until the duelist has an opportunity to thrust. They’re not going to be ideal for precise actions like cutting out people’s hearts.

With a turn of her arm she brought the sword into blocking position

Oh god.

So much swordsmanship failure here.

You do not block with a rapier. Rapier combat does not work like that.

Here is a Youtube video of Spanish rapier fencing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFroPGvc5dc

Notice how calm and, dare I say, boring this is. No blocking, no lunging or whirling or whatever. This, dear readers, is actual historical rapier combat (as best as I know). There’s a lot of waiting and scuttling back and forth, keeping the opponent at blade’s length.

The author is writing as though a rapier is comparable to a longsword, but even with a longsword, blocking on purpose is generally a bad idea because of the impact force, which still hurts a lot. In German longsword, duelists always try to parry (deflect) and strike a blow at the same time, never block.

Come to think of it, is Chaol even using a rapier? The author doesn’t say.

With a clang, the two swords met, and they pressed each other’s blades.

…Again, this is possible with longswords but not with rapiers, and this is kind of pointless anyway. I suppose it makes sense for him, if he can overpower her, but she should try to get out of the bind ASAP instead of pressing back.

You know the way longsword combat is usually shown in movies and TV shows? How characters just keep clashing their swords over and over again? Yeah, actual swordfighting did not work like that. At all. There is simply no point to purposely meet your opponent’s sword, because your goal in a duel is to win, and you win by putting your pokey end into your opponent’s squishy bits.

She withdrew and feinted, her feet jabbing and flexing on the floor with birdlike grace.

…I don’t even know what this means. Why are her feet being described here, not her swordplay? What the hell is she actually doing?

They go back and forth for a while, and seriously, how long is this duel? Real-life duels were very fast, because it’s a waste of energy to purposely keep going for longer.

He tried to catch her unawares with a blow to the face, but her anger awoke as her elbow snapped up and deflected, slamming into his fist and forcing it down.

…Yeah, this is really not rapier combat, because they’re way too close if they’re within punching distance. Non-sword blows are actually allowed in German longsword duels, but that’s typically if your opponent is idiotic enough to be within striking range. Also, elbow? Considering joints are really vulnerable, that hardly sounds like an effective defense.

She gasped as her spine collided with marble

Wait, they’ve been fighting on marble this entire time? What idiot’s idea was that? You can seriously injure yourself by falling on hard stone.

So Chaol beats her by tripping her, which seems kind of underhanded (although again not forbidden in German longsword duels), but again it means that her distance was way, way off if she was close enough for him to trip. I mean, assuming he tripped her with a foot and not with a sword (we’re not told her foot was sliced open by a blade here); the text is ambiguous.

“You had to resort to tripping me. That’s hardly winning at all.”

Seriously, why does Celaena care about proper swordfighting etiquette?? She’s a freaking assassin. She kills people by using any means necessary, and she shouldn’t even hesitate to fight dirty if it means she’ll win. Actually, she shouldn’t even know what swordfighting etiquette is. This makes no sense at all.

I know it’s tempting to write about assassins as though they’re the ultimate killing machines, but really, Celaena would’ve had little reason to be trained in dueling weapons unless her mentor wanted to be really, ridiculously thorough. The author seems to keep forgetting that assassins rely on STEALTH and they’re supposed to kill as fast as possible with as little effort as possible, because every time you get into a duel you’re at risk of getting injured, and injury is really bad if your life revolves around killing and/or combat. Also, assassins are not going to walk around with swords on their assassination missions, because it’s stupid, swords are heavy and they’d get in the way. The only time they’d need to know how to use a sword is if they regularly disarm opponents with swords. (You’re still not going to run around with a sword, though, because it’d slow you down.)

Celaena ditches the rapier for hunting knives, and I dearly hope Chaol changes his weapon accordingly, because their fight will be nonsensical otherwise. She’s dead if Chaol successfully keeps her at a distance, while he’s dead if she manages to get close.

Chapter 12

Someone interrupts the fighting—one Theodus Brullo, apparently the guy who trained Chaol.

Celaena had to admire the beautiful woven gold of the pommel.

GOLD IS SOFT AND EXPENSIVE AND HEAVY, SWORDS THAT ARE USED FOR FIGHTING ARE NOT MEANT TO BE DECORATIVE, ARE THESE THINGS REALLY THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND

She knew better than anyone not to underestimate opponents based on their appearance.

Really? Because you wrote off all of your competitors since they didn’t have the “spark” of intelligence in their eyes, Celaena.

Cain comes from the mountains, and Celaena has to take a moment to talk about how brutal the mountain people are. Talk about cliché and in-universe racism.

So there are thieves, soldiers, mercenaries, assassins, and convicted murderers (including a cannibal and serial murderer), and I really don’t know why she was so willing to write them off earlier, because they clearly sound like a dangerous lot. Also, the handsome guy she keeps mentioning (ugh) is apparently Nox Owen.

They weren’t even in the Assassins Guild

There’s an Assassins Guild? That sounds like about as plausible an idea as a Thieves Guild. There are enough assassins to have an entire guild for them? How many assassins can this kingdom sustain without collapsing politically and socially, again? This makes no sense.

they lacked the refinement that Arobynn favored in his followers

Refinement? What the hell does that mean--that there's an "art" to killing? So not only are there more assassins running around than targets, but assassination has become an entire field of study with its own aesthetics?

Or is it that Arobynn doesn't like psychopaths who mangle their victims? What does this mean??

There’s an assassin named Grave (what an incredibly lame pun) with a “wicked face.” Clearly he’s one of the good guys. (/sarcasm)

Grave ran an eye over her body. An assassin like that never stopped at just killing. Not if his victim was female.

So, hey. This is the first indication we’re given that sexual assaults and misogynistic hate crimes can happen in this world, even thought the narrative has been dancing around the issue of prostitution. Apparently there are no female assassins besides Celaena—why is that? Why does this world continue to be sexist and patriarchal and severely gender-imbalanced, despite the “strong” female protagonist?

Also, Celaena had no problem with Dorian or Chaol or any of the palace guards ogling her. Guess it only matters if a creepy guy is doing it.

Celaena introduces herself as the jewel thief, and is again insulted when the men laugh. She certainly has a hair-trigger temper here and a metric ton of ego.

They’d stop their laughing if they knew her true name, if they knew that this “jewel thief” could skin them alive without a knife.

Huh. How do you skin someone without a knife?

No, seriously. How do you do it? With your teeth??

Also…she’s making it sound like she’s actually tried skinning someone alive before, which is a frightening thought. I’m still not convinced that Celaena isn’t a sociopath here.

“You all have five minutes to put away your weapons and catch your breath. Then we’re on a mandatory run to see how fit you are.

Seriously, what kind of competition is this??

Celaena complains about how she’s wasted eight years building her reputation and finally, finally someone calls her out on it. Another +1000 for Chaol! He says it’s the smart thing to do to let her competition underestimate her and keep a low profile.

In the meanwhile, because Celaena’s a moron, she doesn’t believe him and continues to be insulted until he convinces her it’s a brilliant plan. Uh, no, it’s the common sense plan here. People focus their efforts on eliminating who they perceive as the biggest threats; even if you’re a master assassin, you don’t want to be targeted.

You know, I usually think of assassins as extremely intelligent, because they have to plan the best ways to kill their marks and escape unscathed, but Celaena is coming off as a Mary Sue who can do everything but is utterly lacking in the common sense department. Moreover, she should be used to blending in to a crowd and not attracting attention, but everything she’s done so far is to try to draw as much attention to herself as possible. It makes no freaking sense. And it’s doubly terrible from a gender point of view, because we’re told Celaena is hypercompetent, yet she needs a dude to explain the obvious to her.

So Celaena goes on the running match—this is beginning to sound like a horrible reality TV show. She makes it, but vomits at the end. This isn’t a surprise, since she’s been doing heavy labor for a year and probably lost any running endurance she used to have. What I don’t understand is why she doesn’t vomit openly in front of her competitors; it would be another ploy to get them to underestimate her (even if she was vomiting for real).

.

I understand that swordfighting is by now old and somewhat esoteric knowledge that few people have, and it certainly seems unfair to expect authors to sign up for swordfighting lessons just to make sure these facts are right. On the other hand, there are YOUTUBE VIDEOS that show what historical combat looks like, and while some of them may be dubious, others (from historical swordsmanship organizations and the like) are reasonably accurate and at least give a sense of what sword duels actually look like.

(And seriously, gold on swords? Screw that.)

Comments

[cactusmelon.livejournal.com]

Yes, this, all of this. I only recently picked the book up, and it's nice to see that others share my frustration.

I'm so confused as to what this match was meant to be. Was it an actual duel, with rules and such? If so, why didn't we get the ground rules, because if I were in charge, I would severely doubt that these crooks would know proper duelling etiquette. If it's to purely show off their combat ability? Why would it matter if they fought 'dirty'? And why the hell is an ASSASSIN the one complaining about fighting dirty? Heck, WHY IS SHE *NOT* THE ONE FIGHTING DIRTY? She doesn't sound like an assassin; she sounds more like a glory-hound gladiator.

As for the rapiers, I'm no HEMA practitioner, but I sporfled a bit at how they were used here. I sadly can't find the video now, but I remember watching a competitor in some sort of final accidentally whip his rapier into his opponent's when they both went in at the same time. Guess what happened? His rapier snapped. I just kept having an image of these twits freezing up in surprise as these beautiful, ornate swords just snapped and they're left with half a blade each.

(Mind you, those were modern day fencing rapiers they were using, which look a heck of a lot skinnier and less robust than their historical counterparts meant for actual battle, but you gotta find entertainment where you can. Real rapiers were actually quite formidable, and indeed could be used to deliver some devastating slashing blows. What annoys me the most, though, is that she singles out a rapier and then ABANDONS THE RAPIER'S KEY ADVANTAGE AS A BLADE: its range! You don't close in with a blade like that, you use it to keep opponents at a safe distance. I could understand it if he closed one of them closed the distance quickly and the sword clash and attempted grapple was the rushed counter, but I got no sense of that at all.)

Anyway, my two cents. Thanks for the entertaining commentary!

[yoinokaku.livejournal.com]

That's a good point—none (or very few) of the competitors should know any dueling etiquette, so all of it would just be brawling/dirty pragmatic fighting, unless the people in charge planned on teaching everyone how to duel...

Haha, that's a great story! And yeah, I think the author just...forgot (or didn't think) about range with a rapier, since they go from start to nonsensical bind to punching distance. :/

No problem, thanks for reading and commenting! Always glad to entertain with my read-through of this book, haha.