rainwaterspark | Throne of Glass - Deconstruction

Last time on Throne of Glass, there was boring filler.

Chapter 17

We’ve now switched to Dorian’s POV. He thinks about the murder of the Eye-Eater.

It had probably just been a drunken brawl.

Realism, what are you anymore I don’t even.

People are not usually sliced to ribbons during drunken brawls. I don’t understand why everyone is treating this matter as though it were only a robbery or something.

Dorian thinks a lot about his clothing…don’t mind me, I’m just snoozing in the corner here…

though his chestnut suede boots looked too new for masculine pride.

What the hell is this sentence? You know what, screw it, I’m not even going to bother.

We finally meet the queen, Georgina. As is par for this book, she can’t think of anything except how much she misses her bratty younger son and how Dorian needs to get married ASAP.

“There are no princesses left,” he said a bit sharply.
“Except for the Princess Nehemia.” She laughed and put a hand on his. “Oh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t force you to marry her. I’m surprised your father allows for her to still bear the title. The impetuous, haughty girl—do you know she refused to wear the dress I sent her?”

All of my hate, book. All of it.

“I’m sure the princess has her reasons,” Dorian said warily, disgusted by his mother’s unspoken prejudice.

Even Dorian doesn’t respect his mother. Book, if I had you in hardcover I would so throw you against the wall right now just to see how big of a dent you make.

Georgina likes Kaltain Rompier, which is another clue that we’re not supposed to like the queen, in case it hasn’t been hammered into the reader’s head hard enough yet.

He was bored. Bored of these women, bored of these cavaliers who masqueraded as companions, bored of everything.
He’d hoped his journey to Endovier would quell that boredom, and that he’d be glad to return home, but he found home to be the same. The same ladies still looked at him with pleading eyes, the same serving girls still winked at him

What the narrative wants to say is this: Dorian is so much deeper than everyone else in court because he hates the superficiality of it, so while wealthy and powerful people usually suck, Dorian is a special snowflake who doesn’t suck.

My reaction: Screw you, Dorian.

On one hand, he’s being really misogynistic here. The book established that he’s the uber-player who’s slept with every woman in the capital, and yet he’s “bored” of them? Women aren’t playthings that exist only for your amusement! I’m pretty disgusted here.

On the other hand, Dorian, you are the freaking crown prince of this kingdom. You have the luxury to be bored with people while there are people who are suffering out there.

It’s possible that since this passage is written from Dorian’s POV, it’s intentionally coming off this way, but then again I’ve run out of charitable feelings for this book a long time ago.

Even gambling over the so-called Champions had become achingly dull.

Yes, because clearly this is a game to Dorian rather than being a matter of life or death to the competitors.

It was clear Cain and Celaena would ultimately face each other, and until then…well, the other Champions weren’t worth his time.

I don’t know whether this is lampshading or just really bad writing.

I mean, yes, it’s obvious that it’s going to be a fight to the death between Celaena and Cain in the end, but this just makes the next 400 pages look like padding, and it’s still ignoring the fact this competition is probably really important to each competitor.

Georgina talks about a girl who apparently broke Dorian the Ladykiller’s heart.

He didn’t want to think about Rosamund—or about the boorish husband she’d left him for.

Because no one can turn Dorian down for a good reason, so clearly it's just that Rosamund is stupid.

Dorian keeps rambling about how he feels “different” from all the other nobles and only Chaol is his true friend. Like I said, the narrative keeps wanting to convince us that Dorian is Unique and Special among those boring superficial nobles (and, I have a sinking feeling, therefore he’s worthy of being the Designated Love Interest). Georgina keeps rambling about how Dorian needs to get married. I GET IT ALREADY, STOP REPEATING YOURSELF, BOOK.

Some ladies accost Dorian, and he can’t even remember their names. Douchebag. I mean, besides the fact that this is terrible gender-wise (implying that most women are interchangeable, and even though he's an uber-stud their individuality means nothing to him), it's his damned JOB as the prince to know who everyone is.

Dorian randomly starts thinking about dog racing and how he wants to look at a pregnant dog and dammit, what does this have to do with anything?

He randomly decides to show up where Celaena is practicing and keeps thinking to himself about “her golden hair,” “her high cheekbones” and “her blue eyes.”

Yes, she was truly lovely.

I’m sick of this constant focus on appearances. It was problematic in Leigh Bardugo’s Shadow and Bone, and it’s problematic here.

Dorian looked around. Where was Chaol or Brullo? Why was Adarlan’s Assassin here with the Princess of Eyllwe? And with a sword! This could not go on, especially after that Champion’s attempted escape the other day.

Then where is your freaking security, Dorian? If you and Chaol are so worried about Celaena “Queen of ~~Boasts~~ Death” scheming to kill everyone, why is she allowed to go wherever she wants and use weapons whenever she wants? If Celaena hadn’t had more bark than bite so far, she would’ve had at least a dozen opportunities to assassinate the entire royal family. I know security in medieval/early modern Europe is far from perfect, but this is just moronic.

Dorian speaks with Celaena, and there’s what I suppose could pass for a “witty banter” between the two of them. It’s not really problematic or horrible, but it’s pretty dull.

Her turquoise eyes glittered as she stared at his hand, and his heart quickened when her gaze rose to his face. Yes, sweaty as she was, she was beautiful.

I GET IT, DORIAN, UGH.

Dorian, your new name shall be Mr. Designated Love Interest.

He gets her to blush and thinks to himself that “he’d won.” Honest to goodness.

Wow this romance needs to go die in a pit ASAP.

Celaena volunteers Dorian to teach Nehemia how to fight. I’m wishing they’d get back to the competition, because at least that is mildly interesting. This is just a chore to read, combined with this godawful romance.