rainwaterspark | Throne of Glass - Deconstruction

Chapter 30

Celaena is practicing archery with Chaol. Why? Because Reasons.

They talk about the murder mystery, and it’s about freaking time.

The who didn’t matter as much to her as the how

I don’t know any person in the world who would say, “I don’t care who the murderer is, just tell me how he’s doing it!”

how was the killer selecting them? There was no pattern; five were dead, and they had no connection to each other, aside from the competition.

…Are you kidding me? That’s a pretty big pattern right there, Celaena.

Anyhow, some guards arrive and tell Chaol that another dead body has been found.

“They think it’s from last night—from the way the blood’s half-dried.”

Eh. Google doesn’t give me a consistent answer here about how long it takes for blood to dry, but the question is would regular palace guards know how long it takes for blood to dry? They’re better off looking at the freshness of the corpse and asking for when was the last time someone used the passage and didn’t notice a dead body lying there.

I didn’t mention this earlier, but it seems like this serial killer wants the bodies to be found. Sure, he’s not leaving them in really public places, but neither is he bothering to get rid of them.

Celaena gets invited along to the crime scene investigation and suddenly metamorphoses into a detective extraordinaire. I’m too tired to even comment at this point.

I mean, yes, as an assassin she probably knows a fair bit about killing people and pays a lot of attention to detail, but on top of everything else it just seems like an extra Mary Sueish quality.

The victim, conveniently, is Verin, the misogynistic competitor that she beat the pulp out of last chapter. According to Celaena, Verin first had the tendons in his ankles cut by a person so he couldn’t escape, then some kind of beast mauled him. The fact that Chaol couldn’t figure out any of this suggests that they really should’ve invited her along earlier, since this is the first headway of any sort that they’ve made on this case.

Also, Celaena finally realizes the “evil” in the castle and the mystery murderer might be the same thing. NO WAY, REALLY???!

She looks through books for information about the Wyrdmarks found near Verin’s body but can’t find anything. Is there even a point to these passages?

Then randomly we learn that Celaena loves maps, and she loves Orynth, the capital of Terrasen and her birthplace. The infodumping in this book is really terrible and kills any kind of pacing there might have been.

Dorian Havilliard is a freaking stalker, so he shows up AGAIN. They talk about some inane things for a while, mentioning the mystery murderer but never really feeling worried.

“I just think it reflects poorly on your esteemed father to have all of this going on.”

Which is true, and people really need to make a bigger deal of the fact that these gruesome murders are happening in the ROYAL PALACE, the place that theoretically should have the most security. Dorian, of course, doesn’t exactly care. He does point out that it’s weird for Celaena to care about the king’s reputation, but Celaena handwaves it because this book hates consistency.

“Why are you so disheveled? Has Kaltain been clawing at you?”

Book, I hate you so, so much.

Dorian talks about his dogs and no one gives a damn about your dogs, Dorian. They go back and forth with him asking her to play the piano (gah), him trying to find out more about her, them talking more about music (please kill me), and Dorian talking about how he wants to marry for love.

I mean, yes, I suppose it’s interesting that the author is using all these clichés that are normally applied to girls (mysterious boyfriend, rebellious princess in arranged marriage) and applying them to a guy. But Dorian is just so unsympathetic that it hardly comes off well.

And you’re the Crown Prince of Adarlan. You’re in a position where it’s possible for you to change Erilea for the better.

Finally, someone who points this out.

“And what sort of world would I need to create for that to happen?”
“A world where men govern themselves.”

Huh? Democracy?

So on top of everything else, we now have fail!politics to add.

In order to have popular revolution happen, you need a situation in which a significant number of people are disgruntled with the current government’s rule, and in order to not have just a different monarch/dictator seize power, you have to have some sort of ideology there that people are willing to believe in. None of which seem to exist in Adarlan. You could also have a country that gradually transitions to democracy, but Adarlan seems to have none of the foundations for that either. And despite what America likes to believe, democracy isn’t always the best system of government ever.

But look, to have Celaena be a believer in democracy practically screams anachronistic Mary Sue. If she’s grown up with monarchy all her life, and (despite what the novel wants us to believe) she’s not particularly well-educated, there’s no reason for her to even think that an alternative model of government even exists.

Dorian comments on Celaena’s eyes, ugh. More inanity about this godawful romance, which I’ve lost the patience to continue commenting on.

Now jumping to Chaol’s POV, Chaol is suspicious of Perrington (obviously) and comments about how there are weird moments when Perrington’s eyes become “clouded.” The book really sucks at this foreshadowing/incorporating the supernatural thing. It might have worked if this observation were mentioned much, much earlier, but considering we’re more than halfway through the book (I think) and the pacing is still slower than snail mail even though there is a freaking murder mystery going on, I’m not inclined to be charitable.

Neither Chaol nor Dorian like Perrington, but he’s the king’s “most trusted advisor.” Obviously. Because Blatantly Evil Advisors are just so unexpected and shocking.

Kaltain’s there as well.

Her look became shallow, as if she were more interested in how his jacket might complement her dress.

Because it’s totally shallow for her to be thinking these things, but totally not shallow for Celaena to admire her own red velvet slippers. Book, you are really, really aggravating me.

Chapter 31

Celaena is awakened at night by a stranger.

she eased her hand beneath her pillow, pulling out the makeshift knife she’d crafted of pins, string, and soap.

I really wish the author would stop describing these improvised weapons, because all they do is make me wince. This is not a “makeshift knife.” Hell, I don’t even know what this is or how it could be effective in any way.

Her visitor is Elena’s ghost, who babbles some ominous-sounding things and then disappears.

she’d passed yet another Test—knife-throwing

You suck, Book. It’s like the author completely forgot that the competition was supposed to be the central premise.

—another Champion had been found dead just two days ago.

And the “looks like another person’s dead, what’s for dinner?” reactions continue.

So this test is a poison test. As awesome as knowledge of poisons is, technically speaking assassins shouldn’t ever have to know about poisons, because anyone who wants their rival to die of poison is not going to hire an assassin to do it, they would just do it themselves.

She had five minutes left—five minutes during which she not only had to identify the poisons in seven goblets, but arrange them in the order of the most benign to deadliest.

That…sounds okay at first, but not when you actually start thinking about it. How do you judge the “deadliest” poison? By how quickly it kills you? How is that more deadly than a slow-acting poison, as long as the end result is that the person dies? Just off the top of my head, how could you “rank” the “deadliness” of poisons such as cyanide, carbon monoxide, and mercury?

Sweet—too sweet.

I’m not sure that you can actually smell “sweetness.”

She dipped her finger into the cup, studying the purple liquid as it dripped off her nail. Definitely belladonna.

In general, I’m not sure that anyone trying to figure out poisons would dip their fingers into a cupful, because there are some poisons that can poison you through contact. Belladonna isn’t one of them, but still.

In terms of research, belladonna berries are black, so the “purple liquid” description is plausible. Although it’s good to note that the berries aren’t the only toxic part of the plant; the roots and leaves are also toxic enough to be fatal. The berries are arguably the most dangerous because they do indeed taste sweet. So it looks like research has been done there (but, again, not on what rapier combat looks like. Priorities).

She looked at the other goblets she’d identified. Hemlock. Bloodroot. Monkshood. Oleander.

The two alkaloids that cause toxicity in hemlock plants (not water hemlock, although that’s a very nasty poisonous plant as well) are g-coniceine and coniine, with coniine being the more toxic of the two. Pure coniine is a colorless, oily liquid that tastes and smells bad. I don’t know if there’s anything about it that would make it recognizably from hemlock, though, as opposed to some other poisonous plant.

Speaking of poisons that act through physical contact, bloodroot is one of them. You do not want to touch sanguinarine (the toxin produced by bloodroot), because it can destroy tissue when applied to the skin and cause disfigurement. Monkshood, also known as aconite or wolf’s bane, can also cause poisoning through contact with the skin.

Oleander can be toxic when ingested, but death from accidentally eating oleander is actually pretty rare. Compared to the other poisonous plants Celaena mentions, it’s rather tame.

I couldn’t really find out how to identify most of these poisonous plant extracts, and I believe it’s very difficult to identify these if the toxin has been extracted. Yes, people can learn how to avoid plants, but plant extracts? You might know it’s a poison if you taste it and it tastes horrible, but otherwise I really don’t know whether it’s plausible to distinguish them that precisely if you aren’t looking at the original plant.

Remember what I was saying earlier about assassins not having to know poisons? I can buy that they might know some poisonous plants, but I really have no idea why they would ever be trained in distinguishing poisons from one another in liquid form. (Also, the addition of bloodroot and monkshood makes Celaena’s using her bare hands to touch the belladonna infinitely more stupid.)

Also, I noticed that all of the toxins Celaena mentioned are plants. What about arsenic? That was an extremely popular way to poison people in medieval/early modern Europe.

She shifted the goblets into order, squeezing in belladonna just before the goblet containing a lethal dose of oleander.

Continuing common sense fail, how would Celaena know that the oleander is at a “lethal” dose without actually trying it on a person? (And of all the poisonous plants, why oleander?)

Celaena picked up the penultimate goblet and sniffed. And sniffed again. It didn’t smell like anything.

Well, poisons don’t always smell. If they did smell, it’s kind of a dead giveaway to the person you’re trying to poison that something’s not right with the food. I just mentioned arsenic; arsenic was popular because it didn’t smell and it didn’t have any taste, and the only giveaway that you might be consuming arsenic is if you notice a “gritty” texture to your food or drink. (I’m starting to think they should’ve included arsenic just to screw with everyone.)

Celaena…isn’t able to figure it out. Instead, she receives a hint from Pelor, the weak assassin who has been barely noteworthy until now. She conveniently remembers that Pelor had stated outright that he was trained in poisons, and then points out that even Brullo must’ve forgotten. In which case, Brullo is an idiot and this entire test is nonsensical. Obviously, people with no training in poisons (such as thieves and soldiers) won’t have a clue about what to do, making this test far from fair.

I mean, is the point of these tests just to find the person with the widest skill set? Why? Why can’t they just hire a specialist in poisons, a specialist in combat, a specialist in throwing javelins while on horseback, etc.? As this scene proves, someone can be useless in all other areas but a master of one. In fact, that’s the way life usually works.

Also, Pelor is clearly a walking plot device here. He’s repeatedly mentioned as weak and inexperienced, so he should have been weeded out long before now, but no, he’s around so he can conveniently help Celaena just when she needs it. Celaena rambles about how he wants to help her because he’s also bullied by Cain. I mean, all of these “good” competitors seem to like to forget the fact that they’re competing against everyone else and thus they should try to hope for everyone else to lose, not help their competitors. The only reason I can think of is that Pelor doesn’t think he’ll win and would prefer for Celaena to beat Cain, but that’s reading more into the text than what we’re given.

The competitors have to drink the goblet they think is safe.

Antidotes were on hand in case mistakes were made

So they’re so medically advanced that they know all the antidotes to these poisons? I mean, most of the antidotes we use today in cases of ingesting poisonous plants are chemical extracts; I find it hard to believe that their antidotes, even if they know which ones they are, are really that effective. Also, my brief Google search didn’t turn up any particular antidote for oleander; people mostly rely on charcoal to try to absorb the toxin from the gastrointestinal tract.

Bloodbane—a horrible, painful poison. Even consuming just a little could cause vivid hallucinations and disorientation.

So one of these poisons is just completely made up.

Elena was the one who hinted to Celaena to trust Pelor, and at this point I don’t know whether it’s because Elena is precognitive or she already knew Pelor was the best at poisons.

This chapter wasn’t horrible. Something happened, and the research into poisons has been better than other research failures so far but still isn’t that spectacular, and the reasoning behind how Celaena figures out which poison is which is pretty dubious/nonexistent. The poisons that are mentioned probably aren’t the ones that would actually be used to assassinate people; come on, why do you think it is that no one has heard of many historical cases of people dying due to hemlock, monkshood, bloodroot, or oleander poisoning, as opposed to historical cases of arsenic poisoning? Belladonna aside, poisonous plants generally taste terrible, so they’re not good for slipping into someone’s drink because that person would just spit it out.