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rainwaterspark1. If the marginalized character reveals their marginalization during the story, DON'T have the ally character get upset at the marginalized character for not revealing their marginalized identity earlier.
Just...don't do this. Don't.
This applies to "invisible" marginalizations, such as some sexual orientations and certain disabilities/neurodivergence. People who are "invisibly" marginalized often have to hide their marginalizations in order to survive, and that instinct often isn't easy to overcome, even for people they want to be close to. Also, throwing that kind of temper tantrum is making it all about the *ally's* feelings, which, way to not prioritize how the marginalized character feels at all.
In a similar vein:
2. If the marginalized character reveals their marginalization during the story, RECONSIDER having the ally character say, "You should've told me because of course it makes no difference to me whether you have x marginalization or not."
There's often a misconception around allies that saying "Your identity makes no difference to me" is a positive thing when, sometimes, it's not. For example, a disabled person who informs an ally about their disability may be doing so because they want their difference to be acknowledged, because they're really saying that they can't be held up to abled standards, "so don't treat me the same as an abled person."
Obviously, this is a more context-dependent point, and also no group is a monolith so I'm sure some people would feel differently. But this is how I feel, at least, as a neurodivergent person.
But also, this kind of reaction feeds into the idea that the story is really prioritizing the ally character, not the marginalized character, and the focus is on how "progressive" and "accepting" the ally is. Marginalized people have to deal with -ism/-phobia that range from outright oppression to microaggressions, some of which can be extremely subtle, so please don't insult our intelligence by having the ally character say "Of *course* you should've known you can trust me." No, prejudice comes from many, many corners. We know this.
Just...don't do this. Don't.
This applies to "invisible" marginalizations, such as some sexual orientations and certain disabilities/neurodivergence. People who are "invisibly" marginalized often have to hide their marginalizations in order to survive, and that instinct often isn't easy to overcome, even for people they want to be close to. Also, throwing that kind of temper tantrum is making it all about the *ally's* feelings, which, way to not prioritize how the marginalized character feels at all.
In a similar vein:
2. If the marginalized character reveals their marginalization during the story, RECONSIDER having the ally character say, "You should've told me because of course it makes no difference to me whether you have x marginalization or not."
There's often a misconception around allies that saying "Your identity makes no difference to me" is a positive thing when, sometimes, it's not. For example, a disabled person who informs an ally about their disability may be doing so because they want their difference to be acknowledged, because they're really saying that they can't be held up to abled standards, "so don't treat me the same as an abled person."
Obviously, this is a more context-dependent point, and also no group is a monolith so I'm sure some people would feel differently. But this is how I feel, at least, as a neurodivergent person.
But also, this kind of reaction feeds into the idea that the story is really prioritizing the ally character, not the marginalized character, and the focus is on how "progressive" and "accepting" the ally is. Marginalized people have to deal with -ism/-phobia that range from outright oppression to microaggressions, some of which can be extremely subtle, so please don't insult our intelligence by having the ally character say "Of *course* you should've known you can trust me." No, prejudice comes from many, many corners. We know this.
