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rainwaterspark(Part 1 of 2)
Here's a thing: If there's a Problematic trope, something that very closely resembles that trope will also often be problematic.
I haven't read overt "love cures mental illness" books recently, but I've read books that come really close to conveying that message. Books in which the mentally ill character never thinks about treatment until the neurotypical (NT) love interest brings it up; books in which being in the NT's presence ameliorates the symptoms of mental illness, somehow.
And like...just because it's not exactly the "love cures mental illness" trope doesn't mean it's not still problematic.
Because, in the end, it's still saying that the NT love interest becomes some kind of "neurotypical savior" who ameliorates the mental illness's symptoms through *the power of love* or *the power of being "special" by virtue of being the love interest*. Even to a small extent. It's still the same message, just on a smaller scale. And that's the part that's not okay.
I'm drawn to reading books about characters who are mentally ill and/or have been through trauma, but I absolutely hate it when it feels to me like their NT love interest is presented as their "savior." That the mentally ill character is just existing and coping, but their NT love interest comes along and suddenly they're much better at coping and healing from their mental illness/trauma.
I'm sure I've ranted about this before. (I literally wrote a book deconstructing this trope because I hate it that much.) There's so much that is damaging about this trope: inaccurate understanding of how mental illness works, fostering codependent relationships, placing romantic love on even more of a pedestal than it's already on. The idea that an NT person's love can "fix" a mentally ill person is damaging. The idea that a mentally ill person "needs" an NT person's love in order to get better is damaging. The idea that if you're mentally ill and single, there is no hope for you, is seriously damaging.
This is how to tackle a romance between an NT person & person with mental illness and/or trauma:
Here's a thing: If there's a Problematic trope, something that very closely resembles that trope will also often be problematic.
I haven't read overt "love cures mental illness" books recently, but I've read books that come really close to conveying that message. Books in which the mentally ill character never thinks about treatment until the neurotypical (NT) love interest brings it up; books in which being in the NT's presence ameliorates the symptoms of mental illness, somehow.
And like...just because it's not exactly the "love cures mental illness" trope doesn't mean it's not still problematic.
Because, in the end, it's still saying that the NT love interest becomes some kind of "neurotypical savior" who ameliorates the mental illness's symptoms through *the power of love* or *the power of being "special" by virtue of being the love interest*. Even to a small extent. It's still the same message, just on a smaller scale. And that's the part that's not okay.
I'm drawn to reading books about characters who are mentally ill and/or have been through trauma, but I absolutely hate it when it feels to me like their NT love interest is presented as their "savior." That the mentally ill character is just existing and coping, but their NT love interest comes along and suddenly they're much better at coping and healing from their mental illness/trauma.
I'm sure I've ranted about this before. (I literally wrote a book deconstructing this trope because I hate it that much.) There's so much that is damaging about this trope: inaccurate understanding of how mental illness works, fostering codependent relationships, placing romantic love on even more of a pedestal than it's already on. The idea that an NT person's love can "fix" a mentally ill person is damaging. The idea that a mentally ill person "needs" an NT person's love in order to get better is damaging. The idea that if you're mentally ill and single, there is no hope for you, is seriously damaging.
This is how to tackle a romance between an NT person & person with mental illness and/or trauma:
- Do not write an "NT savior" narrative. The NT love interest can provide emotional support, but they do not exist to "save" the mentally ill character. I repeat: the NT love interest does not exist to "save" the mentally ill character.
- Do an AU (alternate universe) experiment in your head: If the mentally ill character had never met the NT character, what would happen? If your only answer is that they would be miserable for the rest of their life, you're doing it wrong.
- If the story gives off the feeling that the NT character is caring for the MI character the way one might care for a stray animal that keeps showing up injured on one's doorstep, you're doing it wrong.
- It's fine if the MI character struggles to get help for their illness, as long as you explain why. Do not write a story in which the MI character never thinks or never agrees to treatment until the NT character suggests it and there is no logical justification.
