Rambling Reflections
Jul. 18th, 2010 09:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rainwaterspark...on my freshman year of college. In no particular order.
1) This year, I made a decision I never thought I would make. That is, I decided to go pre-med. A bit strange for a person who professes to dislike science, as a few people have told me. But I made that decision for my peace of mind. I spent much of the year worrying over my future after college (because I have no illusions that making a living off of writing is difficult), but as soon as I decided to go pre-med, I stopped worrying.
2) This year, I have faced every single one of my personal weaknesses. I have not yet overcome them, and I am aware that I still have a long way to go. They have caused me much grief, although my resolutions include becoming less sensitive and becoming a happier, more positive person.
3) This may sound like false modesty, but I swear I am being sincere to the bottom of my heart: I've performed academically above my own expectations. Now, maybe the problem is that I have no self-confidence, but my grades surprised myself. I should try to be more confident next year in my own abilities, and more willing to take every opportunity that comes my way.
4) I've had a few crises over various things this year. I've had a crisis of passion, drifting away from writing before finally returning to it again. I've had a crisis of identity (odd enough as it seems in retrospect) that was somehow caused by being a Chinese-American surrounded by more than a few "Chinese-Chinese" people. (Though I guess that's another story for another time...) I've had a crisis of friendship; after the initial excitement of meeting many different people wore off, I found myself adrift, with pleasant enough acquaintances, but with no one with whom I could talk to about what truly interested me (which ranged from world languages to video games to reading and writing fantasy). Luckily, I managed to make a good friend in the second semester, but there was a significant period of time in which I felt like I was about to explode any moment from not being able to have any deeper-than-superficial conversations.
5) This year, I was very shaken up by the death of a childhood friend. I think that, for me, there was something very unsettling in this reminder of how short and abrupt life can be. Because we're always thinking about the future; no one, especially not a teenager, lives thinking each day might be her last. I wish I can say I emerged with some new spiritual awareness and thankfulness, but I don't think I can say so truthfully. Or maybe it's just that some things affect us on a level that we aren't even aware of, let alone able to describe.
6) This year, I discovered that I remembered much more from high school than I thought I did. I realized that I really did receive an excellent education, because I could finally reap the fruits of my four years' labor while planting new seeds in college. (Please excuse the flowery language; i got a little carried away by my own figure of speech. "OTL)
7) This year seemed like something entirely new and different, and yet in certain ways it wasn't so different from the years before. It has been a year of new beginnings, but in some ways it has come back full circle. It has been a year of meeting many new people and of learning many things, from animal culture to history across two continents to the depths of my own personality. It has been a year full of heartbreak and hope, just like the many others that have come before it.
If anyone were to ask me now what advice I would give to those searching for colleges, or those about to enter college, I would quote my BC Calculus teacher from last year, whose advice, in retrospect, makes a lot of sense to me: "It's not where you go, but what you do when you get there."
1) This year, I made a decision I never thought I would make. That is, I decided to go pre-med. A bit strange for a person who professes to dislike science, as a few people have told me. But I made that decision for my peace of mind. I spent much of the year worrying over my future after college (because I have no illusions that making a living off of writing is difficult), but as soon as I decided to go pre-med, I stopped worrying.
2) This year, I have faced every single one of my personal weaknesses. I have not yet overcome them, and I am aware that I still have a long way to go. They have caused me much grief, although my resolutions include becoming less sensitive and becoming a happier, more positive person.
3) This may sound like false modesty, but I swear I am being sincere to the bottom of my heart: I've performed academically above my own expectations. Now, maybe the problem is that I have no self-confidence, but my grades surprised myself. I should try to be more confident next year in my own abilities, and more willing to take every opportunity that comes my way.
4) I've had a few crises over various things this year. I've had a crisis of passion, drifting away from writing before finally returning to it again. I've had a crisis of identity (odd enough as it seems in retrospect) that was somehow caused by being a Chinese-American surrounded by more than a few "Chinese-Chinese" people. (Though I guess that's another story for another time...) I've had a crisis of friendship; after the initial excitement of meeting many different people wore off, I found myself adrift, with pleasant enough acquaintances, but with no one with whom I could talk to about what truly interested me (which ranged from world languages to video games to reading and writing fantasy). Luckily, I managed to make a good friend in the second semester, but there was a significant period of time in which I felt like I was about to explode any moment from not being able to have any deeper-than-superficial conversations.
5) This year, I was very shaken up by the death of a childhood friend. I think that, for me, there was something very unsettling in this reminder of how short and abrupt life can be. Because we're always thinking about the future; no one, especially not a teenager, lives thinking each day might be her last. I wish I can say I emerged with some new spiritual awareness and thankfulness, but I don't think I can say so truthfully. Or maybe it's just that some things affect us on a level that we aren't even aware of, let alone able to describe.
6) This year, I discovered that I remembered much more from high school than I thought I did. I realized that I really did receive an excellent education, because I could finally reap the fruits of my four years' labor while planting new seeds in college. (Please excuse the flowery language; i got a little carried away by my own figure of speech. "OTL)
7) This year seemed like something entirely new and different, and yet in certain ways it wasn't so different from the years before. It has been a year of new beginnings, but in some ways it has come back full circle. It has been a year of meeting many new people and of learning many things, from animal culture to history across two continents to the depths of my own personality. It has been a year full of heartbreak and hope, just like the many others that have come before it.
If anyone were to ask me now what advice I would give to those searching for colleges, or those about to enter college, I would quote my BC Calculus teacher from last year, whose advice, in retrospect, makes a lot of sense to me: "It's not where you go, but what you do when you get there."
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Date: 2010-07-19 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-21 05:40 pm (UTC)