rainwaterspark | Recent Entries

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch and Recursion by Blake Crouch

Genre: Adult, sci-fi, thriller

I was suddenly in the mood for multiverse sci-fi and went looking for books that could scratch that itch. However, I DNF'ed both of these books (Dark Matter at around Chapter 5 and Recursion after Chapter 1).

I decided to combine my thoughts about these two books in one section, partly because they're by the same author, partly because they're the same/similar genre (sci-fi multiverse thriller) and partly because my issues with them were similar. Blake Crouch seems interested in the idea that if you could only choose one between career success and having a traditional nuclear family, having a traditional nuclear family is superior.

And that's just so annoying to me.

First of all, why can't someone have both? In Dark Matter for example, the alt-universe Jason could have revived his relationship with Daniela, but instead he's (for reasons I don't know because I DNF'ed the book) convinced it's "too late" and would rather swap places with another universe's version of himself. In Recursion, I don't know why the woman in the first chapter is convinced that her professional success as a financial something-or-other means she can never have a relationship in her 30s or 40s or however old she was.

Secondly, it just feels like a very classist, heteronormative, patriarchal, Boomer-focused sermon on "what really matters in life." The idea that "having financial success doesn't matter" just doesn't jive for millennials who grew up in the wake of the early 2000s recession.

Also, Dark Matter made me think Blake Crouch is the Dan Brown of sci-fi thrillers, with the exception being that I actually like Dan Brown books, in spite of the criticisms leveled at them. I don't know whether the multiverse aspect was supposed to be a big reveal; since I already knew it going in, I lost patience with how long it was taking Jason One (so to speak) to understand what was going on. Jason One's constant pursuit, death, and capture to be locked up "for mental issues" just got really old to read about very quickly and strained credulity for me.

Strike the Zither by Joan He

Genre: Young Adult, fantasy

I am a big fan of He's Descendant of the Crane, so when I saw she was doing another Chinese fantasy novel, I wanted to give it a shot, even though I don't have any feelings about the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

Unfortunately, I DNF'ed this after four or five chapters.

First off, I'm not always a big fan of "take a male-dominated classic, and make every single character female instead." I don't know, I just thought the "lordess", "ministress", etc. titles felt silly after a while.

I also felt like this was one book that really suffered from being YA. It was silly (again) that 16-year-olds were running war campaigns in fantasy China and claiming to be the smartest strategists ever. Are there any adults in this world at all? And if not, why not?

But my biggest issue was that none of the characters were interesting. I don't mind an arrogant female protagonist, but I dunno, there was nothing to Zephyr outside of that except a stock tragic backstory involving a dead little sister. We're given very little reason why we should be on the side of Xin Ren (the Liu Bei expy, as I understand it). Again, I've never read Romance of the Three Kingdoms, so I have nothing to say regarding how accurate/faithful of a retelling STZ is. And based on everything I've seen Joan He say, she doesn't seem to care if readers who are used to Western stories (waving my hand here as a Chinese American who grew up on Western stories) like STZ or not, due to the fact that it breaks Western storytelling conventions.

Fair. But then, you can't really be surprised or upset when readers decide to give up rather than make an investment in your story.

And my issue isn't with how STZ is structured; it's with the fact that I found none of the characters compelling enough to push through the story.

It's just weird to me that He seems so fixated on having a "faithful adaptation" when the mid-story twist (which I only know about from reviews) is not at all faithful to Romance of the Three Kingdoms (and arguably reduces the character of Zhuge Liang). In my very humble opinion, maybe she should have considered deviating from the source material more just to make the characters more compelling.

(And yes, in case you're wondering, I'll admit it—I don't really like it when authors defend their books too much. A book should stand or fall on its own merits, and people are free to not like the creative choices an author makes.)

Dark Room Etiquette by Robin Roe

Genre: Young Adult, contemporary

Trigger warning: Implied/non-graphic on-the-page sexual assault, confinement, psychological abuse

( Read more... )

Go Hunt Me by Kelly deVos

Genre: Young Adult, horror

I actually finished this book, lol.

So...I thought this would be an And Then There Were None-style thriller, but it's really more of a straight-up horror novel where people die one by one. I actually liked the sort-of dual timeline aspect, wherein each chapter ends with an excerpt from the investigation into the deaths after Alex escapes Castle Prahova.

I have to say, straight up, that this is a story that rests mostly on the final chapter twist. And that has its pros and cons. The upside is that there's some interesting subversion going on with certain characters (which I won't spoil). The downside is, well...

Some other reviews have said that the main horror aspect of the book was silly. I don't read enough horror to be able to judge, but I can see that point. But, because of the final twist, it's kind of intentional, in a way.

Yet...is it worth it to read an intentionally clichéd, cheesy horror story because the final twist proves it was all intentional?

I don't know. (And I'm sure people who are more of a horror buff than I am would have stronger feelings about it.)

Never Coming Home by Kate Williams

Genre: Young Adult, thriller

Never Coming Home is a straight-up retelling of Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None, except with Gen Z influencer protagonists. Even the writing style was similar, with the constant POV-hopping that I generally dislike but instantly recognized as characteristic of ATTWN.

So, of course, I had a fun time with this, even though it was such a close retelling that none of the plot twists were that unexpected. I expect anyone who's never read ATTWN would find this book more surprising. And it was genuinely cool how well the plot could be retold in modern times, with modern technology.

( The rest cut for spoilers )

Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn

Genre: Young Adult, fantasy

I've been eagerly waiting for this book ever since I finished Legendborn. My final thoughts on it are...complicated.

And a major part of that complication has to do with the fact that this book pretty much didn't do anything I expected.

( Spoilers for Bloodmarked beneath the cut )

What have I been up to lately? Well, I'm working on what is, hopefully, the last round of edits for Novel #4, which I'm aiming to complete by the end of Thanksgiving weekend and turn in to my agent so I can see what our submission strategy is for next January.

I've recently realized that, while I'm generally an underwriter, I sometimes overwrite character motivations/internal monologue. It's because the process of drafting is, for me, a process of thinking; I'm literally thinking out loud to myself as I draft why characters are acting the way they are. But sometimes, those explanations are overly long and unnecessary, and it takes me a while to be in the mindset to be able to cut them.

I'm also haunted by the fact that, when I do get negative reviews for my writing, they tend to dislike how much "telling" I do, even though I've seen plenty of books that have far more telling than I do. But that criticism has gotten stuck in my head and haunts me every time I take another look at my manuscript.

Outside of my book, I've been meaning to write another book review round-up post (including a review for Bloodmarked and DNF explanations for Dark Matter, Recursion, and Strike the Zither).

I think I mentioned this previously, but I plan on taking a break from writing once Novel #4 is finalized for submission. I'm just starting to feel like I've devoted years of my life to this fickle dream that relies mostly on luck and appealing to (allocishet, white, abled) publishing gatekeepers to get a book deal, and that doesn't even pay a living wage unless you become a bestseller, and it's killing my desire to write anything else, especially another "commercial" book.

Case in point: I thought of a way recently to rewrite Novel #1 to make it more "commercial" and possibly breathe new life into it for a shot at a traditional book deal, but I'm not sure if I really want to pursue it. In this case, making it "commercial" would also remove the aspect of it that was written to address and encapsulate my experiences with depression at the time. And, to be honest, I'm a different person now than I was when I wrote that book; there's a very real possibility that the core of the story would no longer resonate with me.

In general, though, this whole idea of "I have to write something hooky/commercial in order to get a traditional publishing deal" has been screwing with my relationship with writing. On top of my previous submission disappointments, this is yet another reason I'm having trouble throwing myself into new projects. Even when I tell myself "I'm going to write something fun, not geared toward traditional publishing, something that would possibly fit in the indie space, just to remember what it's like to love writing," I find myself unable to pursue it. it's hard to feel motivated to write books for an indie/self-publishing audience when my first two indie novels flopped (one badly, one less badly) and got negative reviews such as "this is the worst writer ever." (Hell, I always wanted my second novel to be the first in a duology, but the sales didn't support the time it would take for me to write a sequel.)

(I can't write fast enough to justify an indie/self-publishing career in general.)

And yet, I'm also unable to pursue other "commercial" ideas because they feel emotionally dead to me, so my brain is like "what's the point in working on this?"

What I'm most excited/motivated to work on at this moment would be a series of murder mysteries that would be sequels to Novel #4. But I can't count on doing any of that unless/until Novel #4 sells. Most of the books I'm looking forward to next year are either mysteries, thrillers, or horror, which probably speaks to my current interests; there are some fantasy books that are mostly there because they're non-Western fantasy, the odd sci-fi, and the rare romance novel.

So...yeah, that's where I'm at right now.

Pretty Dead Queens by Alexa Donne

Genre: YA, mystery, thriller

Content warnings: Death of a parent due to cancer

I really loved The Ivies and I'm excited for the author's 2024 take on And Then There Were None, so of course I had to read this!

Unfortunately, I was spoiled on the ending ahead of time due to a Goodreads review that had unmarked spoilers regarding the killer's identity (I hope the writer of that review walks on Legos). I wish I hadn't known, because of course nothing felt surprising in the wake of that review.

Like with The Ivies, this was a quick read. Sometimes it felt a bit too quick; there were certain plotlines that I wish had been expanded upon. I also feel like "death of a Mean Girl who was popular but hated at the same time" is starting to feel like an overdone trope. For me, this book stands out less than The Ivies, though it's probably because "small town murder" feels a little bit overdone these days, on top of the "Mean Girl murder victim" trope. Though I did really love the angle revolving around the protagonist's grandmother being a famous murder mystery writer who was popular enough to have her own fan convention. I also found Cecelia a well done character and totally believed in her grief motivating her to throw herself into a murder investigation in order to regain some sense of control.

The City of Dusk by Tara Sim

Genre: Adult, fantasy

DNF ~20%. I was excited for this book when I borrowed it, but unfortunately the combination of not great audiobook and not great writing made me put it down.

The audiobook narrator isn't bad, it's just that sometimes, I feel like British narrators can be a bit too smooth and monotone. I listened to some of the chapters three times and still could not process what was happening because I kept zoning out. It didn't really help that the narrator didn't differentiate between the voices outside of giving some of the Houses a different accent; the lack of difference in voices for male and female characters was pretty immersion-breaking and also made it hard to keep track of who was speaking.

I have more complaints about the writing itself, though. This is a long book (the audiobook is *25 hours*!), and it feels long. About 20% of the way in, I still wasn't sure what the plot was supposed to be and whether it had started yet. There are things happening, but the events all feel disjointed—not sure if this was because of the number of POVs there were, though I have to admit I'm biased against too many POVs in fantasy—and it was hard to tell what was important and what was filler.

I feel bad for having many harsh complaints about this book, because I know the author is a person of color. But I'm honestly a bit shocked that this isn't her debut (although it is her debut Adult book), because it reads so...amateur, in certain ways? The worldbuilding felt like she added every single "cool" idea she's ever had into one world. Yes, it's handwaved with the explanation that the city of Nexus is supposed to be a melting pot, but even then, it still feels like a bunch of random fantasy ideas that are disconnected from each other with no sense of cohesion. And I'm sorry, but shadow and light magic being reduced to having shadow and light familiars is just...the most boring interpretation of those fantasy concepts. (I know Nikolas was able to use "light speed" or something like that, and I wish the author had relied on those kinds of concepts and gotten rid of the familiars.)

Also, for a supposed "melting pot," there aren't really cultural distinctions among the different realms, outside of Parithvi being Indian-coded and Azana being Japanese-coded. Which makes it even odder that there are different linguistic bases for the character names—the Lastrider family has children named Dante, Taesia, and Brailee, then there's Angelica Mardova and Nikolas Cyr—without any cultural distinction among the families. Also, the lords are called "Don" and "Doña" and just, the linguistic inconsistencies were killing me.

I found all of the main characters boring. I hate to say it of a non-debut author, but it feels like the author confused "quippy banter" and "in a relationship" for personality. I could not describe the personalities of any of the main characters. I was totally apathetic to Taesia and Nikolas being in a relationship because I didn't care about either one of them individually, so obviously I didn't care about their relationship. I also found it odd that the author chose to make not one, but two of the royal heirs (a.k.a. half of the four of them) struggle with not being able to use their special magical powers properly. The fact that each of the royal families has special magic was supposed to be a selling point of this book; having maybe one of them struggle would have been okay, but two of them feels like not living up to the promise of the premise.

All in all, this book felt like a bit of a mess, and I felt like cutting it down would have been an improvement.

Beach Read by Emily Henry

Genre: Adult, contemporary romance

This was pretty much the book that convinced me to give up writing romance.

Emily Henry is so famous in the romance world that I felt like I should try her books. And the premise of this wasn't bad; I liked the concept of two rival authors falling in love.

But I could not stand the overly quirky style that seems to predominate Adult romance. It doesn't read as endearing to me; it reads as artificial. No one actually talks like this!!! And real life isn't made up of a bunch of quirky people/events happening one after another. It all just feels so...exaggerated and unreal.

(Sigh.)

Babel by RF Kuang

Genre: Adult, historical fantasy

DNF ~55%.

Honestly...I've spent the past few weeks ranting to all my friends and family members about how much I hate this book. So I'll boil down my complaints to a few points:

(1) This book is so goddamn condescending.
(2) It was full of so much telling rather than showing, which resulted in the characters being paper-thin cutouts and the pacing being all over the place. I am stunned that this is being praised as Kuang's masterpiece when The Poppy War trilogy was written better.
(3) There is so much racist violence in the book that it practically became a trigger for me.
(4) This book was so bad that, despite the fact that I generally enjoyed The Poppy War trilogy, I never want to read another RF Kuang book again.

There aren't as many books on my list as there were last year, but there's a nice mix of SFF, horror, and mystery/thriller I'm looking forward to.

1. Song of Silver, Flame Like Night by Amélie Wen Zhao - January 3, 2023

(YA, fantasy) I'm a bit wary of this author, but I'm always down to try a Chinese-inspired fantasy by a Chinese author.

2. This Book Kills by Ravena Guron - January 5, 2023

(YA, thriller)

3. The Daughters of Izdihar by Hadeer Elsbai - January 10, 2023

(Adult, fantasy)

4. Episode Thirteen by Craig DiLouie - January 24, 2023

(Adult, horror)

5. Someone Else’s Life by Lyn Liao Butler - February 1, 2023

(Adult, thriller)

6. Best Served Hot by Amanda Elliot - February 21, 2023

(Adult, contemporary romance) I really enjoyed Sadie on a Plate, so I'm looking forward to another food-focused romance from this author!!

7. She Is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran - February 28, 2023

(YA, horror) Still searching for the perfect haunted house book!

8. Delicious Monsters by Liselle Sambury - February 28, 2023

(YA, horror) Still searching for the perfect haunted house book!

9. Rubicon by JS Dewes - March 28, 2023

(Adult, sci-fi) I enjoyed the author's previous series, and Michael Mammay himself blurbed this book, so of course it went immediately on my TBR.

10. The Scourge Between Stars by Ness Brown - April 4, 2023

(Adult, sci-fi, horror) I love any book about a spaceship where spooky things are happening!

11. Paradise-1 by David Wellington - April 4, 2023

(Adult, sci-fi, horror)

12. Sisters of the Lost Nation by Nick Medina - April 18, 2023

(Adult, horror, thriller)

13. The Sun and the Star by Mark Oshiro and Rick Riordan - May 2, 2023

(MG, fantasy) Solengelo book! Woooooo!!

14. Lying In the Deep by Diana Urban - May 2, 2023

(YA, thriller) I can never resist a murder mystery set on a ship!

15. To Shape a Dragon’s Breath by Moniquill Blackgoose - May 9, 2023

(Adult, fantasy) Indigenous fantasy about a dragon rider? Yes to this premise!

16. We’ll Never Tell by Wendy Heard - May 16, 2023

(YA, mystery/thriller) I've never read anything by this author before, but this murder mystery premise sounds interesting?

17. The Surviving Sky by Kritika Rao - June 13, 2023

(Adult, science fantasy)

18. The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon - June 27, 2023

(Adult, sci-fi) Mechas + comp to Nier: Automata = must read for me.

19. Gods of the Wyrdwood by RJ Barker - June 27, 2023

(Adult, fantasy) Okay, I've been mostly burned by pseudo-European fantasy by white authors, BUT the trope of "a Chosen One who failed to do what they were supposed to" is absolutely my catnip, so I'll give this a try!

20. Those We Drown by Amy Goldsmith - June 27, 2023

(YA, horror) A haunted ship? Sign me up!

21. Good Fortune by CK Chau - July 11, 2023

(Adult, romance)

22. Silver Nitrate by Silvia Moreno-Garcia - July 18, 2023

(Adult, horror) Another horror book by Silvia Moreno-Garcia? I'm excited!!

23. To Have and to Heist by Sara Desai - July 18, 2023

(Adult, heist) Heist with a bunch of broke graduate students! YES!!

24. Their Vicious Games by Joelle Wellington - July 25, 2023

(YA, thriller)

25. I'm Not Done With You Yet by Jesse Q. Sutanto - August 22, 2023

(Adult, thriller) I'm not completely sure what this book is about, but if it's a thriller about racism in publishing, I'm down.

26. Suddenly a Murder by Lauren Muñoz - September 5, 2023

(YA, mystery) Locked-room murder during a 1920s-themed party! This premise is killer!

27. The Stranger Upstairs by Lisa Matlin - September 12, 2023

(Adult, thriller) Can't resist a haunted house horror/thriller!

28. A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid - September 19, 2023

(YA, gothic)

29. Thieves' Gambit by Kayvion Lewis - September 26, 2023

(YA, heist)

30. The Scarlet Alchemist by Kylie Lee Baker - October 3, 2023

(YA, fantasy) I really liked The Keeper of Night, plus this book is described as FullMetal Alchemist in Tang Dynasty China - how exciting!

31. Night of the Witch by Sara Raasch and Beth Revis - October 3, 2023

(YA, fantasy) Sara Raasch is the author of one of my favorite fantasy books, plus this sounds like an intriguing enemies-to-lovers setup without any toxic red flags, so...I'll give this a go.

32. Curious Tides by Pascale Lacelle - October 3, 2023

(YA, fantasy)

33. Generation Ship by Michael Mammay - October 17, 2023

(Adult, sci-fi)

34. The Blue Monsoon by Damyanti Biswas - October 24, 2023

(Adult, thriller) I really liked The Blue Bar, so I'm excited to read another thriller by this author!

35. People to Follow by Olivia Worley - October 31, 2023

(YA, thriller) This honestly sounds very similar to Never Coming Home by Kate Williams, but I can never resist an And Then There Were None-inspired isolation thriller.

36. System Collapse by Martha Wells - November 14, 2023

(Adult, sci-fi) NEW MURDERBOT NOVEL THIS IS NOT A DRILL AHHHHHHHH!!!!

37. The Kingdom of Without by Andrea Tang - November 28, 2023

(YA, sci-fi, heist) Heist in cyberpunk Beijing? I'm curious.

38. Where the Dead Wait by Ally Wilkes - December 5, 2023

(Adult, horror) I just keep adding horror books to my TBR list for this year.

Just Like Home by Sarah Gailey

Genre: Adult, horror, speculative

DNF for now about 36%. I might make another attempt when my library hold on the ebook comes in, but I struggled with the audiobook due to the narrator's monotonous voice, the inability to skip forward, and the issues I'll describe below.

I've been dying to read more haunted house books ever since I enjoyed Dead Silence by SA Barnes (which was kind of like a haunted house in space story), but this...was not it.

The issue is probably that Sarah Gailey is not a writer I click with. The only other book of theirs I've tried to read was Magic For Liars, which I also DNF'ed after a whopping three attempts to read that book.

I just found this book incredibly boring. Vera, the protagonist, has no personality outside of the fact that she loved her serial killer father and wishes her emotionally abusive/neglectful mother would love her back. I couldn't tell you anything about her character outside of those two facts. The relationship between a child and an abusive parent should be emotionally fraught, and while I hesitate to say the depiction of Vera's relationship with her mother was inaccurate—because I don't want to say things are "inaccurate" simply because they don't align with my own experiences—the relationship gave me nothing. Vera was passive in the relationship and kept unconditionally loving her mother despite knowing her mother didn't love her in return.

I'm interested in haunted house books, but the "child of a serial killer" trope is one of my least favorite thriller tropes, and so I frankly just did not care about all the ruminating Vera did on her relationship with her father. This is an issue I also had with Magic For Liars—I find Gailey is just too repetitive in how they depict their protagonists, who seem constructed around one single thought pattern that is repeated in their internal narration ad nauseum.

Also, basically nothing happened in the first third of the book besides Vera finding a few odd messages in the house, and I found the flashbacks completely unnecessary. (Side note: Why am I, as a writer, always slammed for using flashbacks when there are plenty of books that not only use flashbacks, but also use them quite poorly?)

The Hunting Party by Lucy Foley

Genre: Adult, thriller

I hated the first book I read by Lucy Foley (The Guest List), so this book was...better, in comparison. But Foley is probably also an author I just don't gel with. I'm not prudish in my reading habits, but her thrillers always revolve so much around sex that I get very turned off.

Things We Do In the Dark by Jennifer Hillier

Genre: Adult, thriller

I won this book in an audiobook giveaway, after I noticed this book seemed to be getting quite a lot of buzz. But my feelings about it are...meh. Maybe 2.5 out of 5 stars if I had to go with a rating.

This was less of a conventional thriller and more a story about how much trauma the protagonist went through as a child. There were a few good twists, although the major one was fairly obvious—and I would actually argue that not knowing the first twist made Part 2 of the book very hard to get through. My favorite parts of the book were the parts that dealt with Jimmy Peralta's death and also the way the book valued Paris and Jimmy's platonic relationship, which is something you rarely see in fiction.

But honestly, I did not enjoy the extensive flashbacks and the fact that half of the book felt like a character biography.

The Marvellers by Dhonielle Clayton

Genre: Middle grade, fantasy

I really wish I loved this book more than I did!

Don't get me wrong, I still rated it 4 out of 5 stars. And I could definitely see this being the equivalent of Harry Potter for the current generation of young teens. The world was magical and lushly described.

But the thing that I struggled with was the prejudice Ella constantly faced as a Conjuror. It was so unrelenting and pervasive that it sucked the lightheartedness and escapism out of the story for me and made me feel a little depressed as I was reading the book.

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher

Genre: Adult, horror

This was a fine, but not what I was personally looking for. I wanted a haunted house book, but this isn't really that. However, if you've ever wanted a retelling of "The Fall of the House of Usher" by Edgar Allen Poe, or if you're looking for books that have a certain [spoiler redacted] element similar to Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia, this might be up your alley.

*

Next on my TBR are The Sleepless by Victor Manibo, Aces Wild by Amanda DeWitt, The Depths by Nicole Lesperance, and hopefully my hold on the audiobook for Babel by RF Kuang comes in soon.

I am still on a quest for a good haunted house book, and it looks like I'll have to wait until next year. But there are quite a few coming out next year that I'm excited for:

She Is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran (which has been comped to Mexican Gothic)
Delicious Monsters by Liselle Sambury
How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix (I have not had a good time reading Hendrix before, but I'll at least give this a try)
Episode Thirteen by Craig DiLouie
Those We Drown by Amy Goldsmith (a haunted SHIP!)

The hard part about going on submission with a book that has series potential is knowing that I'll never get to write those sequels if the first book doesn't sell. :(

I'm not usually a series writer, because as someone who relies a lot on discovery writing, the idea of having to plan a series terrifies me. Duologies are probably the most I can handle. But for a series that's genre mystery, it's easier since the books can be mostly standalone stories, with maybe just some character development that carries over from one book to the next.

And I really want to continue this series because...I want the chance to do better.

I guess that's risky to say when I haven't even sold this first book yet. But the first book was absolutely a learning curve for me in terms of plotting a mystery, and I constructed it mostly around the main character's emotional arc (and romantic subplots, which...the lesson I learned was "never again").

I want the opportunity to write a sequel because I would write the sequel differently: I would come up with cool action set pieces first and build the mystery around that. Don't get me wrong, I think I did a good job in the first book in terms of mystery pacing and having enough red herrings, but I just felt like the investigation process wasn't very "cool." And maybe it's because I was trying to incorporate political intrigue into the course of the investigation, so the investigation had to go certain ways, and I couldn't really come up with any *cool* action set pieces for it (until the climax).

Basically, I approached Book 1 like I was plotting a contemporary mystery. But I'd like to approach Book 2 like plotting an action fantasy novel.

I have...ideas for four or five books in this series? LOL. I have an idea for a killer murder mystery framing if I get to write a third book (which I could maybe repurpose with different characters if I never get contracted to write that many books in this series). And I would love to have future standalone entries in the series where my main characters travel to different fictional cities in my fantasy historical China. (Though RIP me since it's difficult to do research on the social history of Chinese cities outside of Beijing and Shanghai. :( )

It's been a minute since my last blog entry. I finally got my agent's feedback on Novel #4 back at the end of last month and have been working on revisions - although she didn't have huge developmental edits to suggest, I've been doing a line editing pass to tighten up the prose, because I've reached that level of paranoia regarding submission to traditional publishers. My original goal was to finish by today, but though I've hit all of the points she made, I think I'll wait for next weekend to finish my line editing pass.

Also...I learned that my Novel #3 has died on sub (a.k.a. no publishers were interested in publishing it). Which, I am still sad about. I'm okay with the idea of focusing all my revision/sub efforts on Novel #4 for the time being, but maybe next year I might think about what to do about Novel #3. Whether my agent might agree to let me indie/self-publish the book...but either way, I'd have to market it myself, and I definitely don't have the bandwidth to do that right now.

The weird thing about traditional publishing is that there's anxiety at all stages of the process; anxiety never goes away. When I was waiting to hear back from my agent, I was afraid she wouldn't like Novel #4. Now, I've heard back from her, she likes it, and didn't have major edits to suggest...but now I'm paranoid that her lack of suggestions might not be a good thing??? Like, what if she's not experienced enough with selling Adult SFF to be able to suggest the developmental edits that will help sell this book???

Basically, having seen the book of my heart die on submission, and knowing that Adult SFF is the most competitive genre to break into, I'm just...paranoid about everything right now. Because I want this book to sell. It's the first book I've written that I've purposely tried to make very commercial. And I have such cool ideas for a series. If it doesn't sell, I will feel like the past 10 months of my life working on this book will have been a waste (and in some sense, I feel like I've put my life on pause for the past 3 years to try to break into traditional publishing). I'll probably have an existential crisis and take a break from writing.

...Not forever. I know myself well enough to know that I always come back to writing. But I will probably admit that traditional publishing has defeated me and not think about writing another book for at least several months, if not a year or two.

Having said that, I'm already planning on taking at least a short break from writing once Novel #4 goes on submission. I have some personal issues that I've neglected due to the stress of my day job + working on this book that I want to take care of this year—namely, solving some health issues and resuming my dating attempts.

I'm also bracing myself for submission to be excruciating again. For those not in the know, the submission process has drastically slowed down this year—agents used to reliably hear back from editors about submissions within 2-6 months, but it's now taking way longer. And I'm sure it will be worse once I'm on sub with an Adult SFF; the high level of competition (due to great supply and tiny demand from only a handful of imprints) will definitely mean slow submission times. Which is all the more reason to take a break from writing instead of driving myself crazy about editor responses to Novel #4.

So...yeah. That's where I'm at. Publishing is definitely not glamorous and I wonder why I put myself through this torture every day.

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

Everything For You by Chloe Liese

Genre: Adult, contemporary romance (pairing: M/M)

I'm about 80% of the way through this book, though I doubt the last 20% will change my impressions.

Honestly, I probably shouldn't have pushed myself to finish reading this book at all. I just found myself morbidly curious because this author is one of those authors who's written only M/F romance books, but suddenly came out with a M/M romance book.

And look, I'm 100% against forcing authors to out themselves (as someone who will never disclose how I identify publicly), and I've read M/M books by cis-female-identifying authors before that were fine and enjoyable. (The one that comes to mind first is Bidding For the Bachelor by Jackie Lau, which I greatly enjoyed, and though she almost always writes M/F romances, she's had bisexual leading characters before.)

But there’s nothing more awkward than picking up an M/M romance and feeling like “this is basically a M/F romance except with a different coat of paint for one of the MCs.”

Literally the lowest bar is making sure your M/M romance doesn’t read like the author tried to map the dynamic of a straight couple onto two queer men.

It just feels so egregious because Gavin acts like an alpha male and Oliver, despite being feisty and spunky, feels like the passive one in the relationship. Which is a rather common M/F trope. (I should probably also mention that I despise the alpha male/spunky female dynamic in M/F romances, too.)

Also, the interactions of every cis man in this book make me wonder “does this author know how men actually act with other men in real life?” To clarify, I am all for debunking toxic masculinity and having men be more emotionally vulnerable in romances. But just because toxic masculinity is a bad thing…doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to write a contemporary novel where it simply doesn’t exist.

That doesn’t feel progressive. That feels unrealistic.

The cis guys in this book talk about their feelings all the time, to other guys, in a very direct manner that cis women will do with each other, that you may be able to get away with in a conversation between a cis woman and a cis man, but that allo cis heterosexual guys are frankly not socialized to do with each other. It's hard to really articulate this, which drives me nuts; my tentative hypothesis is that cis women will generally volunteer how they're feeling, while cis men will usually only talk about their feelings in the context of solving an interpersonal problem. Even if my explanation is wrong, I'll say that if you read M/M romances by queer male authors, like Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall or I’m So (Not) Over You by Kosoko Jackson, you’ll see that the male protagonists do talk about their feelings, but they go about it in a very different way from Oliver and Gavin in this book.

Also, Oliver’s brothers apparently all read romance novels and quote romance tropes at each other, which…I’m sorry, this goes beyond “wish fulfillment cis guy behavior” to “flat out unbelievable.”

Another major issue? There’s no discussion of queer identities/experiences at all. I don’t expect every queer romance to have a struggle over identity as the main plot, but even if Oliver and Gavin are comfortable in their identities, their queerness still impacts how they move through the world. This book takes place in a world where there is no homophobia or biphobia in the world of competitive sports, except for one instance of a homophobic slur being hurled at Oliver for the purposes of giving him a panic attack so Gavin could go all White Knight. Which is...super ick.

And I’m sorry, but if their teammates are all allo cis heterosexual men, I expect the topic of romantic and/or sexual relationships to come up at some point in casual conversation or locker talk or whatever.

Plus, Oliver and Gavin don’t have queer friends (I mean, Gavin’s friend group of septuogenerians includes a queer couple, but that seems incidental) and never talk about needing a queer community or wanting to connect to other queer people on a platonic level. Oliver never talks about what it’s like to be the only queer kid among all his siblings, or the only queer guy among his (five or however many, I lost count) brothers.

Also. This book pulls the "one MC sees the other MC with a side character and thinks they're in a romantic relationship so they get all jealous" trope. Except said side character was Oliver's SIBLING. And the book pulls this TWICE, with TWO of Oliver's siblings. I don't know about everyone else, but "mistaking a sibling relationship for a romantic relationship" majorly grosses me out.

Basically, I disliked this reading experience. Aside from the issues I described above, everyone was hyper quirky in a way I don't like in romance, and the Latinx members of the soccer team spoke Spanish all the time to the white people, (a) which is not how bilingualism works, but many white authors do this because they feel the need to remind the reader that the character is non-white, and (b) even though this is a Los Angeles soccer team, so I assume many if not most of the Latinx soccer team members were born and raised in America so...why...would they be tossing out random Spanish words...to the white people...

In short: Do not recommend, if you want to read a M/M romance, read one by an actual queer male/enby author instead.

WHEW. I *finally* turned in Novel #4 to my agent this week. It's definitely felt like a load off my shoulders, although I'm not sure if the timing will work out for this book to go on submission this year (it might have to be pushed back to the beginning of next year, sob).

Does it sound weird to say that, four (ish) novels into my writing career, even though I don't have a book deal yet, I finally feel like I'm hitting my stride? I have so many ideas now that my main issue is just finding a way to balance writing with rest and keeping on top of chores and other things I need to do in my personal life.

(Though, I'm taking a break from drafting anything new until my agent gets back to me in 1.5 months. I've spent the past 9 months working on Novel #4, with only a one-month break, and I'm hesitant to throw myself into the workaholic lifestyle again. Although, I've also forgotten what I used to do after work/on the weekends when I wasn't writing, so...who knows?)

For one, I envision Novel #4 as being part of a series. If it gets picked up, I would like a two-book deal so I can write a sequel. I'm risk-averse, so I don't want to commit to more than two books at a time, but *if* it sells really well or something, I'd be open to writing two more books in that universe. So...potentially four books?

Then I have a haunted house horror book that I started drafting earlier this year and have about 11k words of. I reread it recently and still like it; the only problem is that it breaks my brand (welp) (again). And then I just came up with a killer idea for a high-concept contemporary mystery/thriller novel. Although technically, that also breaks my brand.

(I don't know, I just want to be an author like RF Kuang or Silvia Moreno-Garcia, who is allowed to write books in whatever genre they want. T_T)

I guess the more books I write, the easier it is for me to focus on high-concept, commercial books, because I've already written the extremely personal books of my heart. And I'm the type of author who doesn't like to retread the same ground over and over.

But yeah. For the first time in a long time, I'm drowning in book ideas. Now I just need to find a sustainable way of writing them all.

I've been reading—or trying to read—mystery books because that's where I see my writing career going in the future (since I've run out of the ability to emotionally invest in enough characters to ever be a career romance writer). And I've learned a couple of things about myself.

Mostly, I've learned that when I read a mystery, I want a fast-paced mystery. I've had a hard time enjoying Agatha Christie's Miss Marple mysteries (gasp, yes, I know) because I just don't have patience for a hundred pages describing all these random townspeople living their lives before the murder happens, even if the information turns out to be important later. I don't know if this is because I used to watch a lot of police procedural TV shows (like Elementary and Lucifer) and am used to a dead body turning up right away, or if I'm more suited to reading thrillers. All I know is that if there's going to be a murder in this book, I want to see the dead body and the investigation begin ASAP.

On a related note: I might have mentioned this in previous entries, but I've tried to read some fantasy murder mysteries—since Novel #4 is my attempt at writing a fantasy murder mystery—and I find that they're often paced more like fantasy novels than like mysteries. In other words, their pacing is often quite slow. Slow enough that I usually DNF those books. I might hate the Dresden Files for being misogynistic dumpster fires, but at least they have mystery pacing nailed down correctly. Again, if I'm reading a murder mystery, I expect murder mystery pacing. I don't want very slow, drawn-out sequences explaining the fantasy elements or recruiting the protagonist to a fantasy agency; at least, not at the very beginning of the book. I want a murder investigation as soon as possible.

I don't know; maybe when it comes to books, unlike movies or TV, authors feel like they have to spend time getting the reader to like the protagonist before the murder happens? But I've always been of the opinion that getting the reader to like the protagonist should be something that can be accomplished quickly, in less than a chapter. I don't need to know everything about a character to like them; I don't need to know about their complicated family situation or relationship issues or whatever. I just need to find them intriguing and someone I can root for.

All of this is to say that I've had an awkwardly difficult time finding mystery books I like outside of Agatha Christie's Poirot books. Excluding thrillers (which are crime fiction but aren't always murder mysteries), the only other recent books I've enjoyed that are structured like mysteries have been Michael Mammay's Planetside series. (I guess technically they aren't murder mysteries, but they are investigations, at least.)

Sigh.

A Bargain of Blood and Gold by Kristin Jacques

Genre: Adult, historical fantasy, paranormal romance

I read this book in 2021 and totally forgot to write a review for it, hahaha.

I have to admit that I found this book somewhat dull, which is my main impression one year later. I'm usually all for a vampire x vampire hunter romance, but the romance in this book failed to hold my attention. I also didn't really like some of the mythology incorporated, especially regarding what happens to Johnathan. It's like the author thought "vampires vs. werewolves is too cliché, so I'll turn Johnathan into a mythical creature that has never been a shapeshifter in folklore!!" and I was like...what.

(Also, I can't help thinking if the author was inspired by The Angel of the Crows by Katherine Addison? Because the mythological creature Johnathan becomes is interpreted almost exactly like in The Angel of the Crows, and it's such a specific, unusual interpretation that I find it hard to believe Jacques was not aware of The Angel of the Crows.)

Rivers of London by Ben Aaronovitch

Genre: Adult, fantasy, mystery

I picked this up because I was looking for fantasy murder mystery novels to read, but I found this just very...slow.

So far, I've found that the adult fantasy murder mysteries I've read are paced more like fantasy books rather than mystery books. This was no different, and I found myself continually zoning out while listening to the audiobook, so I gave up.

I don't consider myself a major fanfic writer; I've flitted in and out of fandoms over the years, and I haven't felt the urge to write fanfic for every fandom I've fallen in love with. (It usually has to be for a franchise that has a lot of holes in the canon to fill in.) Specifically, I've gone from writing Captain America fanfic in 2014 to The Old Guard fanfic in 2020 and now to Moon Knight fanfic in 2022; basically, I've gone long periods without feeling the urge to write fanfic.

But you know what's the great part about fanfic?

It's the fact that you only do it if you love it.

Let me rewind a little to talk about what I've been doing for the last nine months.

I got an agent at the beginning of 2021 and naively thought I was close to the end of my publication journey for Novel #3. Instead, I've been weathering rejection after rejection, many of which claimed my book wasn't commercial enough.

I'm a mood writer. I never force myself to write a story that I don't love and believe in. But I think traditional publishing's focus on a high concept did subconsciously filter into my brain. In October of 2021, I began drafting a fantasy story that was high concept and that I thought had a good shot at getting publisher interest (I mean, assuming publishers hadn't already acquired another vaguely similar Asian fantasy, because of publishing's "there can only be one" mentality regarding books by authors of color...sigh).

And again, I loved this story idea! I followed a similar pattern to when I was drafting my other stories, e.g. I drafted the first 20k-30k rapidly because I was so excited.

It took me almost seven months, working almost nonstop on this manuscript, to finish drafting and complete one round of revisions. By that point, I was feeling incredibly burned out on the manuscript. Even though I started out loving it, I was starting to feel a tremendous amount of pressure due to feeling like I wouldn't have a shot at a book deal unless this book was already perfect when it went on submission. I was also writing in a genre that I was less familiar with (genre mystery as opposed to genre romance). So I was just feeling bad about the whole thing.

Around the same time that I sent my draft off to more critique partners so I could take a complete break from looking at it, I started to watch the Moon Knight TV show and loved it. Well, up until the end, as I've detailed in other blog posts. But this was the first time since The Old Guard that I felt inspired to write fanfic again, so I did.

And...honestly, I've been loving this experience.

It felt so good to write without any pressure again. It also felt amazing to work on shorter pieces that I could polish to a shine—I do enjoy micro-editing, but I rarely get around to it for my novel-length works because I'm so focused on the plot and character arcs.

I have 3 Moon Knight fanfics posted and am planning on posting at least 2 more, though honestly, I never even dreamed I would be posting this many fics at all. And I still enjoy tinkering and experimenting with fanfic ideas, regardless of whether they come to fruition or not.

Basically, writing fanfic again has reminded me of how to fall in love with writing again.

...I may regret this post title later, since I don't actually like CinemaSins on YouTube. But I wanted to compile a list of everything about the TV show that bothers me and that I'm still thinking about weeks later because IT MAKES NO SENSE.

(Okay, I said that, but I realized this post turned into a list of my general grievances with the show, so...whoops.)

Also, I want to get this out of the way: I'm criticizing the show for not providing enough information/consistency in its writing. Most fans seem eager to come up with their own explanations for a lot of what happens, but the thing is, an outsider can always make up their own explanations. Hell, I can and have come up with my own explanations as well, for fanfic purposes. That does not excuse the source material for not being written well.

Episode 1

Most people—including the writer, Jeremy Slater—have assumed that Jake was the one who set up the date for Steven. However, Slater also admitted that that was not part of his script and was improvised on set. That makes me a bit nervous that this was a decision made "because it would be cool" but without taking into account whether this was consistent with Jake's character (especially given the post-credits scene). Because if true, this would have to mean that Jake (1) is, or can be, a charismatic person, and (2) can mimic at least Steven's accent. But the MCU already has a spotty record with character consistency, which doesn't make me confident about how they'll handle Jake in his next appearance...

Many people interpreted Khonshu's dialogue when Steven wakes up in the Alps (?)—"Go back to sleep, worm. You're not supposed to be here. Surrender the body to Marc. Oh, the idiot's in control"—as indicating that Khonshu actually thinks he's talking to Jake at first. Because he doesn't seem to realize Steven, "the idiot," is in control until the end. I think this interpretation is logical. However, the problem is that Khonshu's tone suggests that he doesn't actually respect Jake—or any alter other than Marc—all that much, which then leads to the question: When did Khonshu get so chummy with Jake before the post-credits scene in episode 6?

When I first watched this episode, I thought the show kept Khonshu's ability to resurrect Marc because Steven clearly gets crushed by a bunch of logs before he wakes up in bed. I suppose we're meant to infer that Marc was seriously injured, maybe on the brink of death, and Khonshu healed his injuries before he was able to go home, but...come on, isn't it more likely that someone crushed by logs would straight-up die?

On the topic of giving Moon Knight supernatural powers—I feel like this permanently excludes him from the kind of street-level stories Moon Knight has always been associated with, because now only supernatural creatures/supervillains can pose a physical threat to him, if he has magical healing abilities and super strength. If the show had kept it at Moon Knight being unable to die (because Khonshu resurrects him), he can at least still be seriously injured and knocked out of a fight. Le sigh.

Episode 2

When Steven meets Layla, she says, "Is this 'Steven' the latest fake identity for you?" This seemed to be a pretty damn obvious red flag to indicate that Layla has met at least one of Marc's alters before—which, by process of elimination, would have to be Jake. However, there is nothing else in the show that supports this idea, or Layla ever bringing up to Marc the question of his "fake identities" before...?

Why does Marc decide to divorce Layla after Steven starts fronting more? He mentions something about disappearing at the end of this episode after he does this last job for Khonshu, except that's not how DID works... Did he become suicidal after his mother's death? It's all so unclear.

Marc seems to know that he has Dissociative Identity Disorder, given his dialogue with Steven. However, this leads to problems with consistency in the show that I'll discuss later.

Episode 3

Ah, episode 3, also known as THE BANE OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE.

I was convinced that Jake was the one who actually fought the three guys on the roof, for multiple reasons:

(1) Because his fighting style was completely different from Marc's style later against Anton Mogart's men and did not resemble a military fighting style. This just completely baffles me, because every time I've seen a behind the scenes video about fight choreography in movies, fight choreographers always mention that they take care when developing a fighting style for a particular character. Marc Spector was a Marine; the way he fights should reflect military training. There is no explanation I can think of for why "Marc" would have such an inconsistent and non-military fighting style in this scene.

(2) "Marc"'s attitude while fighting. In other scenes in the season, Marc is depicted as someone who will take down the bad guys by any means necessary but who doesn't appear to take any joy from fighting. He's also depicted as someone who loses emotional control during a fight, e.g. his brutality when fighting is a result of his emotions getting away from him, possibly due to anger issues that lead back to his childhood trauma. However, in this scene, "Marc" is a less refined fighter but seems to have a lot more emotional control. He never loses himself emotionally. When he and the knife-licking guy are trying to psych each other out, "Marc" even smiles, like he enjoys the back-and-forth dance of a street brawl.

(3) "Marc"'s dialogue. Based on how Marc acts in episode 2 and other scenes where it's definitely him, the way he talks in this opening scene really doesn't seem consistent. In the previous episode, Marc is shown to have a temper issue, and in the next two scenes when Marc is trying to interrogate the Harrow cultists, he sounds extremely pissed off, impatient, and determined when interrogating them about Harrow's location. However, here, he sounds super chill and almost disappointed when he's told he won't be able to find Harrow. Almost like he's ready to give up.

After that, "Marc" says, "Oh. What, are we dancin'? What, are we fightin'? What are we gonna do?" At no other point in the show is Marc shown to taunt his opponents before fighting. Again, Marc is generally shown to be a somewhat grim and somber person in other scenes/episodes, so this taunt appears wildly out of character for him.

(4) The way "Marc" speaks in this scene (also in the scene where he runs into Layla in the square) is different from how he talks in other scenes. He has a slight New York accent, and his voice is pitched differently from how it normally is, a bit higher.

(5) There's an odd visual detail of "Marc" initially wearing a baseball cap, only to lose it as he's running. I thought that was supposed to indicate that he was actually Jake, since Jake is well known for wearing a cap in the comics. If the baseball cap isn't important, why was Marc wearing it in the first place?

(6) When Marc wakes up in the taxi and then sees the cultists again, his dialogue always struck me as odd. This is the exchange:

MARC: Let me talk to you.
CULTIST: Just let us go, man.
MARC: (angrily) That wasn't me!

One: Does it really make sense for Marc to beat up the guys on the roof and then insist on talking calmly to them? Two: When Marc says "That wasn't me," at first blush, it seems like he's talking about Steven running away from the cultists. However, if that's what he's talking about, why does he sound so angry? Wouldn't it make more sense if he's angry because he thinks Steven/another alter was the one who beat up the cultists, and that's also why the cultists are asking for him to "let [them] go"?

The scene where Marc wakes up to find that two of the cultists have been stabbed, a.k.a. the first real hint of Jake's existence. I'll get into this later, but it's weird that if Marc knows he has DID, he doesn't immediately think he might have another alter in the system besides Steven. (Especially because Steven is literally the least likely candidate as the person who stabbed two guys to death.) I could have let it slide for this one scene, given that Marc and Steven are supposed to be at odds with each other and emotions are running high, but not when the show pulls this off again later. This ties into a running problem with the show, which is that they tried really hard to hide Jake's existence so they could save it for a shock factor post-credits scene, even when it leads to plot holes in how the characters act.

The car scene with Layla: Another scene in which I was convinced it was Jake, because the dialogue makes no sense for Marc.

(1) "Marc" is generally pretty chatty in this scene, which is not consistent with the fact that he's mostly pretty reserved and tends to be precise with his words in other scenes.

(2) The subtitles have "Marc" saying: "Ay. I really liked that jacket." "Ay" is a Spanish interjection. Since they portrayed Jake as fluent in Spanish in the post-credits scene, was this supposed to be a hint (that never got confirmed)?

(3) When Layla is asking about what Harrow said, here is the exchange:

LAYLA: What was Harrow talking about?
"MARC": What do you mean?
LAYLA: He said I had a right to know.
"MARC": I have no idea.
LAYLA: I never told anyone why I really moved. But he knew, he just saw right through me.
"MARC": I don't know, I don't know, he's just tryin' to mess wit'cha, you know? He's tryin' to get in your mind. No, don't let him do that. He's, you know, he’s got this idea that he can see the true nature of people, or some baloney like that. If that were true, I don’t think he’d have a bunch'a homicidal maniacs as his disciples, would he?

One, the word choice—"baloney," "homicidal maniacs"—is quite specific and doesn't align with the way Marc talks in other scenes.

Two, the way "Marc" flatly denies answering Layla's questions until she references the death of her father—at first glance, you could just interpret this as Marc being an asshole. However, he has no emotional reaction to Layla's questions, not really like someone who feels guilty and is trying to deflect. And we know for sure from the previous scene that Marc knew exactly what Harrow was talking about. It would make far more sense if "Marc" were actually Jake in this scene, and he genuinely does not know what Layla is talking about until she mentions her father, and then he puts two and two together. There's even a camera close-up of his face at that point, and the shift in his expression makes him look like someone who's just realized what's going on.

(4) When Layla says "it’s like I’ve not known you at all" and "Marc"'s response is "Yeah, you haven't. You don't." Except Marc is used to hiding things from Layla—his DID, his role in her father's death—so why would he answer in a way to purposefully make her suspicious of him? I've always thought this made more sense as a Jake thing to say, e.g. he's letting the truth slip that she doesn't know him because he's not Marc.

Episode 5

I don't really have an issue with the explanation for why Marc developed DID, except...how the hell does Marc live in the middle of Chicago and yet have access to woods and a deep cave capable of flooding in his backyard??? (I suppose, if someone wants to retcon this so that it makes more sense, you'd have to change it so that the Spectors were on a camping trip or something.)

People more qualified than I have discussed the fact that Marc's Jewish background is mostly erased. (In the comics, Marc was raised Orthodox and his father was a rabbi, and his difficult relationship with his father and by extension, his faith, have always been a core aspect of his background.)

When Taweret asks if Marc and Steven are twins and Steven answers, "Yeah, sort of" - Marc has never explained to Steven that they have DID. What does Steven actually think they are, and why has he never questioned Marc more about it? I assume Steven's written that way because their DID is kind of the big reveal of this episode...even though Marc still never technically tells Steven they have Dissociative Identity Disorder...but it doesn't make sense for Steven to behave this way. Even if this is the MCU and regular people are used the idea of wacky things happening, most people would be (at least initially) alarmed at the idea that they're sharing a body with a completely different person.

Has Marc ever been in a psychiatric hospital and actually diagnosed with DID before? Some people have criticized the show for never explicitly stating he has Dissociative Identity Disorder, and I agree that's a failing. Marc acts as though he knows he has DID, but if that's the case, he should have been diagnosed at some point (because people experiencing the symptoms of DID don't simply assume they have DID). It also seems unlikely that Marc would mentally construct a psychiatric hospital if he's never been in one before.

I would call this season a half-assed attempt at a Lemire comic run adaptation, because there are clear influences from Lemire while a lot of aspects of that run are disregarded. For example, Marc's backstory in terms of how he was discharged from the Marines sort of follows what happened in the Lemire run, but the details are changed for no reason. In the Lemire run, Marc is dishonorably discharged because his erratic behavior (he's depicted as having both DID and some sort of schizophrenic disorder, FYI) leads the Marines to discover he was previously hospitalized for psychiatric problems. Yet in the show, they reduce it to "Marc went AWOL while in a fugue state and was discharged because of that." Which...is not actually realistic, because the military does not discharge people for going AWOL unless they've been AWOL for at least thirty days (a.k.a. they basically tried to desert the army). And if Marc had been in a fugue state for thirty whole days, I have to think he would think he seriously needs medical help at that point.

(It's possible that they changed his backstory because they were trying to avoid any references to his DID. Except...why? Why build your entire narrative around the protagonist having Dissociative Identity Disorder and then refuse to even name it?)

I very much dislike the idea that Khonshu forced Marc into becoming his avatar. Like...way to remove Marc's agency and his motivation for becoming Moon Knight as a way to make up for his bad actions in the past, a.k.a. becoming Moon Knight was a good thing for him. I know the idea of Khonshu being abusive comes from the comics, but the critical distinction is that comics!Marc (and, in one instance, Jake) is able to reject Khonshu while still embracing being Moon Knight. However, the show turns this into the system rejecting both Khonshu and Moon Knight, which is...awkward. And takes the "hero" out of "superhero."

So it seems that whenever Steven "called" his mom, he didn't actually call her, he just put the home screen of his phone to his ear. This is...very confusing. So many fans had the headcanon that Marc set up a fake number for Steven to call, and honestly that would have made so much more sense, because...are we supposed to accept that Steven is operating under such a powerful delusion that he forgets how to properly use his phone—and carries on a complete one-sided conversation without realizing it—but only when he's calling his mom? (He clearly knows how to use his phone properly, as shown when he called Dylan in episode 1.) THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

I do not understand, at all, how the Moon Knight system's scales can balance if Jake isn't there. Also why it balanced as soon as Steven died—that creates the very bad inference that Marc doesn't need Steven and/or Steven is an extraneous part of him. None of this is ever explained in the show.

Episode 6

I'm just going to say it: The writing in this show is very unclear and ambiguous regarding Marc's attitude toward Steven and his DID in general. Maybe it's because they had to cram too much into six episodes, or maybe the writing is just bad. To me, Marc's behavior in episodes 2 through 4 very strongly indicate that he has a lot of internalized ableism and complicated feelings about Steven—on one hand, he does seem to want to protect Steven from the darkness in his (Marc's) life, but on the other, he seems to view Steven as an annoyance and an obstacle. However, what Marc says in episode 6—while meant to be heartwarming—is almost a retcon of his earlier behavior, because he claims that he valued Steven all along. My guess is that they were, again, going for a half-assed Lemire adaptation, which has as its central emotional core Marc first rejecting his alters before he learns to accept his alters as his strength rather than his weakness, except the MCU show botched the writing so that Marc's character arc and his feelings about himself/Steven are vague instead. (This could have been so easily fixed by changing Marc's monologue just slightly to have him acknowledge that he didn't realize how important Steven was to him for so long, but clearly the MCU will never tackle a topic as important as internalized ableism!)

I can't get over the show just skipping over the climactic battle against Harrow by turning it into a Jake black-out moment. Here's where it really makes no sense that Marc still doesn't have a clue that there's another alter in the system. (We might be able to excuse Steven if we're charitable since he technically doesn't know much about DID.) If it's inconvenient to have Marc/Steven freaking out about a third alter in the middle of the season climax, you could just...not have Jake appear.

Look, I know people were happy about Mr. Knight finally being a badass, but I hate that Steven suddenly knows how to fight out of nowhere. Where did he learn how to fight from? From DYING???

I really, really hate Marc sparing Harrow's life. Like you could really feel the influence of Disney here. One: Harrow already murdered a lot of people!! It's like Marc and Steven conveniently forget that fact so they could paint Khonshu as Ammit 2.0. Two: I loathe it when protagonists are happy to murder the villain's grunts, but they can't bring themselves to murder the actual villain. What are you actually saying about morality, here?

The change to Moon Knight's character from the comics in calling being Moon Knight being "enslaved" by Khonshu both is problematic and causes a lot of unexplained plot holes. First of all, this leads to all sorts of problematic associations when you have a Jewish protagonist. Second of all, how can the show come back from this? How can Marc/Steven return to being Moon Knight (which they have to, because this is a comic book superhero) after they called it slavery? Hell, why is being the avatar of Khonshu slavery and being the avatar of Taweret...isn't? (How am I supposed to celebrate Layla being a superhero if I'm questioning whether or not she, too, is enslaved??)

On the topic of Layla, I hate how all of Marvel's social media is now calling her Scarlet Scarab when she (1) wasn't called that in the show, and (2) is given no reason to be called that in the show. There's nothing red OR scarab-themed about her Taweret avatar outfit. And why does becoming the avatar of a hippo fertility goddess grant Layla wings??? (On a broader note, I'm not against Layla becoming a superhero but I felt like the focus on her took away from the already very limited time spent on Marc, and I wish her superhero arc had been saved for another season.)

When Steven tells Dr. Harrow in the psychiatric hospital reality that "We'd rather go save the world"—Bro. How are you gonna save the world when you just renounced being Moon Knight???

The post-credits scene with Jake Lockley. Look, I've been mad about this for an entire month now. For anyone who wants to argue that the show did not want to make the audience think Jake was hyper-violent and evil: (1) Literally tons of fans, including fanfic writers and fan artists, now portray Jake as a bloodthirsty sociopath. (2) There were plenty of different choices the show could have made to not portray Jake as a sociopath. He didn't have to smile maniacally while shooting Harrow/Ammit. He could have said "This is for Marc and Steven" instead of "Today is your day to lose." He could have showed emotions other than glee over shooting a defenseless person, like anger or pain. It's unquestionable that the show made the choices it did because it wanted to go with the most "shocking" interpretation of Jake. I'm not going to argue about this. And I maintain the show could have done something so much more interesting with Jake Lockley's character.

(New fandom, who dis? lol)

Despite my problems with the MCU Moon Knight show, I found myself reading fanfiction just because waiting for the next Moon Knight comic issue is hard, haha. (And fanfic for comics-continuity Moon Knight is mostly nonexistent.)

Obligatory self-promo for my own Moon Knight fanfics: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanspark/works?fandom_id=66924490

"Moon Knight meets the Avengers" fics

do not enter is written on the doorway (but you can stay) by Some_Dead_Guy

Moon Knight in the MCU (series) by goldenambedo

Moon Knight and Sam Wilson by god_hates_tyler

of all your sacred vows by notmadderred

Other Moon Knight fics

The Absence of Fear (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves) by Pokimoko
A Steven-centric fic about his childhood. Heartbreaking in how it shows the way Steven comprehends his situation and his relationship with his parents.

In the Absent Place (Listening To Silence On The Radio) by Pokimoko
A sequel to "The Absence of Fear (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves)" but it can also stand alone. Steven Grant thinks he lives in a haunted house and his only friend is an internet pen pal named "M." It's fairly obvious what's really going on (also, the tags more or less give it away). Cool premise.

Home Cooked Meal by haliaZ
Steven and Marc cook a meal for Jake. Sort of fluff, sort of angst.

so this could be the death of me (or maybe just a better me) by darkerintheday
One time Marc saves Steven, one time Jake saves Marc, and one time Steven saves Jake.

Rhythm, Interrupted by staranon
An introspective fic about Marc's feelings before the start of the show.

One Fish, Two Fins by TweetStweet
A fic about how Marc (and Jake!) replace Gus in episode 1. I love this headcanon!

hardwired instincts by blackleaders
A fic about autistic Steven and autistic Marc. :)

she takes what you give her (and maybe you'll find it) by acatalepsy
Set after episode 2 - Marc and Layla talk about his DID.

quarter of a million miles to the moon by priide
A Jake character study.

There Goes My Mind by CXMP_14 [crossover]
A short oneshot that's a crossover between Moon Knight and Star Wars (the new trilogy) (because...Oscar Isaac), where Marc, Steven, and Jake are Poe's alters and Poe is also the avatar of Khonshu, though he doesn't know it. This was cute (I loved the cashew/Khonshu joke).

Avatar: The Moon Knight by AuthorLoremIpsum, ButterflyBeeStevenwithaV [AU] [crossover]
A Moon Knight x Avatar: The Last Airbender crossover. The writing...could use some improvement, though at least it's not distractingly bad. But this is such a seamless crossover that I find myself enjoying it nonetheless. Plus, this may be my favorite fanfic depiction of Jake ever!

You Stay Soft, Get Beaten by SpacelessCass [series in progress]
Steven wakes up in Dr. Harrow's office again, but this time Marc and Jake aren't there, and it's up to Steven to save himself. Goes really deep into Steven's insecurities. Also, I love the way Steven cares about and defends Marc and Jake.

Marc and Steven (and/or sometimes Layla) meet Jake fics

So...I'm not sure I would say I love these fics, since I have a lot of thoughts about how I wish Jake was portrayed. But at the very least, these are probably the best-written fics with this trope, in my opinion.

not quite a meet-cute by notmadderred

the third passenger by Nanashi07

First Meetings by reflectiveless

Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor by Xiran Jay Zhao

Genre: Middle grade, fantasy, sci-fi

So much fun! The comps "Percy Jackson meets Yu-Gi-Oh" are definitely accurate. And I learned a lot about Chinese historical legends I never knew.

My only complaint is that Xiran is better at writing first person POV than third person, and I do wish their third person narration was better; I often felt like my brain was bouncing off descriptions and actions and I would have to reread sentences multiple times.

Sadie On a Plate by Amanda Elliot

Genre: Adult, contemporary romance

Just when I was ready to give up on genre romance, I read this book and adored it.

I love a well-written cooking competition romance, and this book absolutely hit the spot. It's a bit light on the romance since it spends most of its time describing the cooking competition, but I definitely prefer that to the opposite situation. If I pick up a book about a cooking competition, I want to read about the damn cooking competition.

I loved Sadie's pride in her heritage and her determination to bring attention to Jewish cuisine. Just so much fun and a heartwarming read all around.

The Hacienda by Isabel Cañas

Genre: Adult, historical, gothic

So...this book was interesting. It feels like the inverse of Silvia Moreno-Garcia's MEXICAN GOTHIC in certain ways: It's less of a slow-burn gothic horror and more fast-paced, focused more on the attempted exorcism of the haunted house and Beatriz's relationship with Andrés than the building dread of MEXICAN GOTHIC.

The prose was lush, but I felt like it occasionally became too melodramatic and tipped into the realm of purple prose. Especially when it kept describing Andrés's "darkness", which became hard to take seriously. I like the idea of different traditions of witchcraft, but why is European witchcraft inherently "darker"? There was no explanation given.

The "mystery" of the haunted house isn't much of a mystery, since we're abruptly given the answer near the end rather than following any kind of investigation. And people have said this book is about colorism and prejudice against indigenous peoples, but while those are certainly mentioned, I wouldn't say this is a book about those issues, not the same way MEXICAN GOTHIC was about racism and eugenics.

Continued my DNF/disappointing read streak, but now I'm finally reading some books that I enjoy, so...things might be looking up?

Within These Wicked Walls by Lauren Blackwood

Genre: YA, fantasy

I've been looking for a good haunted house book, and I've seen this recommended as one. However, even though I knew this was a (loose) retelling of Jane Eyre, it still ended up being far more romance-heavy than what I was looking for. The haunted house aspect seemed to become much less important than the romance, so I DNF'ed.

I was also not comfortable with the depiction of Andi's abusive mentor figure, and the line written in the book that Andi has issues with love and intimacy because her mentor is described as being probably aromantic and asexual. :/

The Death of Jane Lawrence by Caitlin Starling

Genre: Adult, gothic, fantasy

I picked this up because I was in the mood for a haunted house story, but I ended up DNF'ing this around halfway or so.

This was very...very...slow. It finally got to the "haunted gothic house" aspect, only to suddenly introduce ritual spells, and I wasn't really looking for that kind of fantasy, so I quit.

White Smoke by Tiffany Jackson

Genre: YA, thriller

DNF around 55%. I may make another attempt to finish this book...maybe.

I picked this up because a lot of people have raved about this as a haunted house thriller, and people have also compared it to When No One Is Watching by Alyssa Cole, which is one of my favorite reads of all time.

But I actually found this book incredibly slow. Although creepy things happen semi-regularly, there's no sense of escalation in the first half of the book. It's like something creepy happens, Marigold complains, no one takes her seriously, she forgets about it and goes about her regular teen life. So I started to feel really bored.

Also, reading about gaslighting/other characters denying the main character's beliefs is incredibly triggering for me. I can read about a main character who doubts their own reality (which is more in line with When No One Is Watching), but other people gaslighting the main character? That always leaves me feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

A Magic Steeped in Poison by Judy I. Lin

Genre: YA, fantasy

This book has such a gorgeous cover. Alas, I did not enjoy this as much as I'd hoped. I would give this about 3 out of 5 stars for a rating.

The descriptions are lush, especially when it came to food and tea. I also loved how this book emphasized the diversity of fantasy China, which is something that is rarely showcased, either in fantasy or contemporary novels about China.

The political intrigue in the book felt very...muddled to me, however. And considering that the political intrigue ends up becoming more important to the plot than the tea-brewing contest, that was kind of unfortunate. I didn't particularly care about Ning's relationship with the love interest, either.

As for Ning herself, she felt like a very passive protagonist. Which is not a critique I make lightly, but I just felt like so much of the book was about her reacting to other people treating her terribly, rather than making many decisions herself (apart from her initial decision to participate in the tea-brewing contest). Which was kind of frustrating for me to read, since I wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her until she pushed back against all these terrible people. Sigh.

Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan

Genre: Adult, fantasy

Spellbinding. This is a coming-of-age fantasy novel about Xingyin, the titular daughter of the moon goddess. I would describe this as a YA crossover, though there are a few unexpectedly dark scenes in the novel. It's wonderfully imaginative in its depiction of the Celestial Kingdom and the immortal realms. I also loved how wonderfully feminist it was; Xingyin absolutely takes no BS from anyone, including her love interests. And the third act twist genuinely surprised me. Though the story felt very self-contained, I'm definitely eager to see what the author has up her sleeve for the sequel.

The Peacekeeper by BL Blanchard

Genre: Adult, alternate history, mystery

Indigenous futurism? Yes, please!

My quibbles with the book are that I wish the writing style was a little more engaging—it's a very straightforward tell-y style—and I guessed the identity of the murderer rather early on.

But I absolutely loved the world—a reimagined version of America that was never colonized. I also loved the discussion of the justice system; the author is an attorney, and you can really tell she put a lot of thought into the justice system in The Peacekeeper.

I'm excited to find out what the sequel will be about!

Winnie Zeng Unleashes a Legend by Katie Zhao

Genre: Middle Grade, fantasy

This was a fun adventure!

I was expecting the magical cooking to play a bit more of a role than it actually did—magical cooking isn't really the conceit of this book, just the way Winnie summons the spirit of her grandmother as part of her shaman powers. But it was fun, and I liked the dynamic between Winnie and David. I did think the identity of the antagonist was, ah, a bit obvious based on the back cover illustration in combination with early foreshadowing in the book, so I kind of wish they'd changed the back cover illustration.

Well, it was a good 5 episodes...and then the finale ruined everything.

I've been in a weird mood since Moon Knight episode 6. I don't think I've ever had the experience before of loving a TV show so completely, only to feel like the final episode was not only a disappointment, but it actually ruined my ability to like the entire season and everything about the character.

( ** Moon Knight SPOILERS under the cut ** )

Honestly, I would have been more than happy to have a new fandom to follow, and I had a bunch of half-written fanfics for Moon Knight. Writing fanfic has actually been pretty therapeutic while I've been on sub with Novel #3, since there's no pressure and you're doing it purely for fun and for the love of the characters.

But the finale invalidated everything I loved about the characters and the show, so...that's the end of that, I guess.

I don't know whether I should sit with my feelings for a while or whether I should work on Novel #5 as a response to the show, since the thing that angered me the most was the mental health representation and Novel #5 is a story that deals with mental illness.

I've also been taking a break from Novel #4 while waiting for critique partners to read it, and that's been enormously helpful. I feel more positive about the story now that I've had some time away from it. And even though I struggled a lot to write that story, I did realize something:

At heart, I'm a geek. I love video games, superheroes, and action movies. Hell, I consider the story that influenced me the most to be, not a book, but Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins.

Yet it's not often that I get to write a story that's as geeky as what I love to read. And while, sure, sometimes the stories we read are not the kinds of stories we like to write, Novel #4 has been the first story in a while where I've gotten to flex my storytelling muscles by coming up with scenes full of action and magic.

Maybe this is worth pursuing after all, and spending the time to polish it until it shines.

I'm no stranger to polarizing superhero movies. I loved Batman v Superman, enjoyed Birds of Prey with some reservations, and thought Eternals was okay, if flawed.

But The Batman sucked. Really sucked. My friends and I were laughing throughout the movie, and not in a good way. I also found myself closing my eyes several times because I was tired and the movie was boring, and I never do that.

I would call this the worst Batman movie I've ever seen. I would definitely rank this below The Dark Knight Rises.

- Worst Batmobile chase scene ever. That scene was visually incomprehensible due to the combination of night and rain, and just felt like watching a bunch of moving headlights without a sense of high-speed driving. Also, the Batmobile basically looks like a vintage car with a rocket on the back, a.k.a. boring.

- Worst Batman introduction ever. Just Batman slowly and NOISILY WALKING toward a group of thugs? No suspense, no fear, so much cringe.

- Terrible cinematography. Director Matt Reeves has some obsession with Go-Pro cameras because that's ALL he uses whenever it comes to a car/motorcycle/gliding scene. And it looks awful, like...bro, you had $200 million dollars for this, a Go-Pro was the best you could do??? Plus, the color scheme for the entire film was basically black with eye-searing red lights. It looked awful.

- WHY DOES BRUCE WAYNE LOOK LIKE A HOBO ALL THE TIME??? I burst out laughing every time I saw him with the raccoon eyes and hobo hair; I could NOT take him seriously at all. Basically, there is no Bruce Wayne in this movie, no playboy billionaire who disguises his vigilante life with a ditzy rich airhead cover.

- No emotions for Bruce's relationships with his family. He barely spoke to Alfred so it was impossible to feel sad when Alfred got blown up. And it was never stated that Bruce was fighting crime in his father's memory until he started thinking his father was a scumbag, so any emotions that should have been there fell completely flat.

- Horrible detective work. This is supposed to be a detective noir film, but Bruce's only skillset is just immediately knowing the answer to all of Riddler's verbal riddles. That's not interesting to watch! And it doesn't make the film seem smart!!

- Zero chemistry between Batman and Catwoman. I cringed at all of their scenes. And why the F was Bruce spying on her in her underwear in the beginning of the movie? Like holy hell, you couldn't modernize noir femme fatale tropes a little???

- Trash-bag Riddler looked terrible. I mean, I thought this even before the movie came out, but seeing it in motion made it even worse. Also, did not like the ableist tropes in making Riddler mentally ill.

So...I just finished my revision pass of Novel #4.

I've flagged a few scenes that need tweaks to them, but I'll probably handle that next Saturday, and then...FINALLY SEND THIS THING OFF TO CRITIQUE PARTNERS.

It's nowhere near perfect. There may even be some logical holes, still. But at this point, I'm sick of looking at it and also just feeling sad about the publishing industry in general, so I want to be free of this manuscript for a little while.

I've reached the point at which I'm questioning my own abilities as a writer...at least, for this manuscript. Maybe my mistake was in thinking I could tackle writing a genre mystery book, but I even feel like my prose for Novel #4 sucks. But I recently got into the Moon Knight TV show and have returned to Archive Of Our Own with new fanfic (lol), and I swear I spent so much more time rereading and loving the Moon Knight fanfic I wrote than I did for Novel #4.

Also, while I'm looking forward to taking a break, I still want to work on Novel #5. I think my plan for the time being will be to "slow draft" Novel #5—by that, I mean I plan on spending one day of the week drafting Novel #5 based on my outline, and I'll take one day of the week off from writing completely. A total break to rest from writing, keep on top of my daily chores instead of constantly procrastinating on them, and also read the books on my TBR list.

It's partly because I expect Novel #5 to be relatively short (I'm aiming for 50k - 60k words, hopefully the first draft isn't shorter than that) and partly because I have no idea whether Novel #5 is marketable, but I need to work on this anyway to cope with my own publishing sadness.

So yeah, that's my plan. (And if nothing else, at least Moon Knight has been cheering me up lately.)

Profile

rainwaterspark

May 2025

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31

Syndicate

Page Summary

Style Credit

Style: Fruit Salad for Leftovers by sforzinda

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

Page generated May. 29th, 2025 04:29 pm

On my world, it means hope.

(The fundamental belief in the potential of every person to be a force for good)

Recent Entries

Book reviews

Writing update

Book reviews: 3/4 DNFs

Books I'm looking forward to in 2023

Book reviews: Catch-up edition

Thoughts on writing mysteries

Status update: It's been a minute

Book vent: A Strange and Stubborn Endurance

Book review: Everything For You

The state of my writing career right now

Ruminations on the mystery genre

Book reviews: Backlog edition

How I learned to love writing again through writing fanfic

Everything Wrong With Moon Knight (2022)

Moon Knight fanfic rec list

Book reviews

Book reviews: DNFs & a turning tide

Goodbye, Moon Knight

The Batman (2022) sucked.

Novel #4 update & New fandom, who dis?